one step at a time
by bolovesAJ
Summary: jackson had felt aarons hand..it was real, he didnt just imagine it?
1. Chapter 1

He usually loved this time of year, parties every night, the sense of anticipation, the few days of work with nothing to do but eat and watch television.

But this Christmas, Jackson Walsh wasn't looking forward to yet more days in front of the TV.

It has been just over 11 weeks since his accident, to be exact 79 days since a stupid row with his boyfriend Aaron ended in such unthinkable tragedy.

Throughout the past few months Jackson has struggled to accept the fact he was unlikely to ever walk again.

He had loved his job as a builder, working outdoors and always being on the go.

But as hard as losing the use of his legs was to deal with, the loss of his hands, his arms was unbearable.

Not being able to feel Aaron's hand on his, not being able to put his arm around him when every instinct in his brain was sceaming at him to do so, was torture.

Jacksons nurse Claire interrupted his thoughts:

'So looks like we're all set now Jackson, Dr. Skyes is happy for you to head home for the holidays. It'll be nice to spend some time at home won't it?'

'Yea sure' he mumbled.

What he really was thinking was he was about to endure three days of seeing the misery, worry and despair on the face of his mother Hazel, not to mention the guilt that Aaron tried-but failed-to hide.

It was that guilt that had forced Jackson to push Aaron away.

He couldn't bear to think that the only reason he stayed with him was to atone for his hand in the crash.

Jackson had once wanted nothing more than to hear Aaron Livesy tell him he loved him, but when it finally happened he just couldn't believe it.

The first time Jackson tried to test Aaron's commitment, the young mechanic had blurted out the three little words in anger.

FLASHBACK

Jackson: 'I don't blame you for what happened so don't feel like you have to make amends. I don't want you staying with me out of pity, I couldn't bear that on top of everything else.'

Aaron: 'What the hell are you on about Jackson, who said anything about pity, I'm here cos I wanna be'

Jackson: 'Aaron, you and I both know that if I'd never crashed that van, you'd have gotten out of this relationship a long time ago. You didn't even want me when I was a fully functioning man, so what bloody good am I now?'

Aaron: 'Don't say stuff like that, that's the sort of crap I usually come out with…

Jackson: 'It's true, so I'm giving you an out, take it, no hard feeling, all the best and all that.'

Aaron: 'I'm not going anywhere…

Jackson: 'Even if I want you to? It's over Aaron so just get out…

Aaron: 'NO'

Jackson; 'I said LEAVE'

Aaron; 'Jackson just shut the hell up right, Im not leaving, I'm staying here with you no matter what happens, so tough you're stuck with me.'

Jackson: 'Why, why are you still here?

Aaron; 'Because I love ya, you stupid git.'

Even now the memory of that conversation left Jackson unfulfilled. He wished he could believe Aaron loved him, God knows he loved him more than he'd ever thought possible. But whenever he looked into his lover's blue eyes, he saw guilt, remorse, pity- not love.

Hazel was due to pick him up at 6pm but it was Christmas Eve so traffic would no doubt delay her.

Jackson sat in his wheelchair looking out the window of his Hotten General room, life happening all around him.

It was only Hazel who had been to see him over the past four weeks. Ever since that day with Aaron, Jackson had refused to see him. Perhaps it was his way of pushing him again, testing how much he really cared or maybe it was just an acceptance of the fact he would never again be happy so what was the point of making everyone else miserable

'you took your time' Jackson spoke as the door behind him opened.'

'Sorry yea traffic as mad.' The voice belonged to a male, certainly not his mother Hazel.

Aaron cautiously made his way to where Jackson's wheelchair sat, he pulled a chair across the room and placed himself in front of the man he so longed to hold once more.

Jackson: 'Why are you here Aaron'

Aaron: 'I've come to take you home.'

Jackson: 'I didn't ask you to come, wheres my mum?'

Aaron: 'I asked her if I could come, she reckons we need to talk, do you?'

Jackson: 'No I said all I needed to , nothings changed.'

Aaron: ' Yea you're right, nothing has changed, you still love me and I still love you so stop feeling sorry for yourself all right!'

Jackson: 'So I'm supposed to just get on with it, right, it's that easy?'

Aaron: 'No, it's not easy but yea you do have to get on with your life Jackson. You survived, don't you realise how amazing that it? We can still be happy, don't give up on us, don't give up on yourself'

With his last plea Aaron gently rested his hand on his lovers, stroking the back of his fingers.

'Aaron', Jackson cried, 'I…I..

Aaron: 'No Jackson I'm not letting you finish us….

Jackson: 'No Aaron, it's not that…I …I can feel your hand.'

Aaron shot to his feet and while racing for the door shouted, 'Nurse, Nurse'


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, all rights belong to Emmerdale

Aaron paced up and down the hospital corridor for what seemed to be hours. In reality it was just twenty minutes since he'd been asked to leave Jackson's room by the physiotherapist.

Jackson had felt his hand, it was real, he hadn't just imagined it, had he?

He had been waiting for something like this ever since Jackson's diagnosis. Even with all the worst case scenarios the doctors had put forward, Aaron, despite his nature, never gave up hope that Jackson would be alright. More than alright, he wanted him back just the way he was that night.

Countless 'if onlys' had plagued Aaron's mind for months, if only he hadn't left the club, got out of the van, rang Jackson's phone. But deep down he knew the only one that really mattered, that really would have prevented everything that followed, was if he'd only had the courage to tell him how he really felt.

Even after the threat of almost losing Jackson, Aaron still struggled with those three loaded words. They'd never left his lips before and perhaps he felt the release would shatter his fortress, taking down with it all the walls of protection he had built in his short life.

When his barrier could no longer contain them, his worst fears had been confirmed- Jackson had rejected him.

FLASHBACK

Aaron: 'Because I love ya you stupid git'

Jackson: 'It's too late Aaron, I don't want this anymore, it's too hard. Please just go'

He hadn't said another word, just looked into the face of the man whose love he thought he truly possessed.

But yet again he'd been wrong. Jackson never really loved him either, he'd gotten fed up with him and tossed him aside, like his mam and dad did and like-he always assumed-Paddy would too eventually.

When his next visit to the hospital three days later had been blocked by Jackson, Aaron sank back into his comfort zone of self loathing and indifference.

He set about rebuilding his walls, determined not to let Jackson demolish them again. But every brick he tried to construct was quickly pulled down by Paddy.

FLASHBACK

Paddy: 'Listen mate, I really don't think Jackson meant what he said, you have to understand how he's feeling. In his own way he's probably trying to protect you.'

Aaron: 'What's the point, he won't even see me, I knew it Paddy, why did you lot all tell me I was wrong, I knew he blamed me. I knew it was all my fault.'

Paddy: 'No Aaron, I won't let you think that, Jackson loves you, he does, just give him some time. Trust me, he's just hitting out at the people he loves the most. You know, some people do that sometimes'

Paddy's last words came slowly with extra emphasis and a cautious grin as he gauged Aaron's reaction. To his relief his pseudo son got the reference.

Aaron: Alright you've made your point, stop going on like an old woman.'

Paddy: 'So you'll go back to the hospital then?'

Aaron: 'Well no, not until he wants me to, I'm not a muppet Paddy.'

Paddy had rested his argument at that point, satisfied that he'd made progress but tentative of pushing his luck.

Today when Hazel had come to tell him that Jackson was coming home for Christmas, Aaron's initial reaction was one of joy- he wanted to see him and all the other stuff didn't matter anymore.

Hazel, with the help of Jerry and Paddy had scrapped enough cash together to buy a special van to transport Jackson. Aaron had given it the once over when she'd brought it home from Leeds. When he'd offered to return her keys at the garage, she'd asked him to hold onto them.

FLASHBACK

Hazel: Why don't you take them love, go pick him up this evening. I know deep down he wants to see you.'

Aaron: 'Do you? Cos the last time I tried I had the door slammed in my face.'

Hazel: 'Aaron I never have nor never will blame you for what happened to my son. But I do think you owe him from before. He stood by you and gave you a second chance after the court case. Sure he's said some stupid hurtful stuff but you've said plenty yourself. So take that hideously overpriced van to the hospital and go get our boy. Oh just do me a favour though, tell him you asked to go instead of me. Just incase it doesn't go too well, I don't want him giving me the evil eye over the brussell sprouts.'

Hazel wasn't an easy woman to argue with so Aaron hadn't bothered. Truth was he wanted to go. He thought if Jackson could just see him again he would want to patch things up.

Now as he waited for news, Aaron's expectations for today had wildly exceeded their original spectrum.

Just as his final fingernail was almost bitten down to the skin, the door opened.

'Aaron do you want to come in,' the therapist smiled as him, raising his hopes of good news.

He followed her in and sat on the chair in front of Jackson, instinctively reaching once again for his lover's hand.

Therapist: 'I've just explained to Jackson that the slight sensation he felt could just be a fleeting occurrence. While it is a good sign, it's no guarantee that movement will return.'

Aaron: 'Right, but he did feel it, didn't ya?

Jackson: 'Yea I did, I still can't move my hand but I felt yours.'

Aaron: 'That's good then isn't it, if we just wait it might all come back.'

Therapist: 'There is a slight chance of regaining some upper body movement yet each spinal injury case is different. We can't know what to expect until if and when it happens unfortunately.

Aaron: ' Right well that's good enough for me, one step at a time.'

'Funny that,' Jackson said with a raise of his eyebrow.

'Shut up', Aaron couldn't contain his smile.

Sensing that the two men wanted to be alone the therapist extended her holiday wishes and left.

Aaron: ' This is amazing, should I ring your mam or Paddy?'

Jackson: 'Just hold on a minute Aaron, it's early days, I don't want you getting peoples hopes up.'

Aaron: 'You'd better not be planning on being a miserable sod all over Christmas.'

Jackson: 'I wouldn't want to steal your thunder, besides you can always just stick me in a corner if I get mardy.'

Aaron: 'That's not funny Jackson.'

Jackson: 'Sorry'

Aaron: 'S'alright'

Jackson: 'No I mean I'm sorry for what I said before, not letting you visit.'

Aaron: Forget it, I guess I owe you a strop now and again.'

Jackson: 'So does that mean I still get my Christmas present?'

Aaron sat forward in his chair and placed both of this hands on Jackson's face. He looked deep into his brown eyes and at last saw the essence of the man he loved. Without saying another word he lay a tender kiss on Jackson's lips. The fire was still there between them, but now, at this moment, it burned a warm comforting glow instead of the raging flame their passion once knew.

Jackson: 'Now I feel bad, I've not gotten you anything.'

Aaron: 'Yea you did…come on lets het you home.'

With that Aaron offered one more kiss, this time on Jackson's hand, sending familiar sensations up through his arm.

_A huge thanks to those who reviewed and author alerted, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter_.


	3. Chapter 3

It hadn't been easy to prepare Smithy Cottage for Jackson's return but Paddy and Marlon had persevered. The biggest concern was where he was going to sleep for the next three night?. What with only having a few hours notice the lads decided to make do with what they had- which was namely Aaron's bed. Of course this was upstairs therefore presenting the men with their first challenge of the day. They set about dismantling the single wooden frame and painstakingly reassembling it downstairs in the living room. Throughout the three long hours their task took not once did either of them stop to ask just where was Aaron supposed to sleep tonight?. Once Jackson's bed was ready the rest was simple. The front door was floor level so the living room was completely accessible for Jackson's chair. Anything he needed from the kitchen would be brought to him and as for the bathroom, well that wasn't something he need worry about just now.

It as just after 8pm when Aaron pulled up outside with this precious cargo. Sensing Jackson's nerves on returning home after so much change, Aaron tried his best not to make too much of a fuss as he helped him from the van and through the front door. Of course this efforts of maintaining a reserved return were quashed by an over excited Hazel and even giddier Paddy.

During their journey home Jackson had once again asked Aaron not to tell the others about his progress. The truth was he was afraid to believe it and at least this way he would be the only one left disappointed if it all came to nothing. Well, him and Aaron he supposed, seeing as his boyfriend seemed to be in if got the long haul whatever lay ahead.

It took all the strength Aaron had not to blurt out the good news when he saw Hazel's beaming face. He'd come to think of her as a true friend over the past few months, perhaps even more than that. She was part of this family now and he desperately wanted her to be as happy as he was at the moment.

Hazel: 'Oh sweetheart I cant' tell you how good it is to have you home. You'll have to forgive the state of the place though, Paddy and Marlon aren't exactly Colin and Justin when it comes to redecorating.'

Aaron: 'Who?'

Marlon: 'You know, those two gay blokes off the tell….

Aaron: 'Yea alright Marlon'

Paddy: 'Eh, Marlon can you get Jackson a drink, you can have a beer cant ya?

Jackson: 'Yea too right I can. Cheers Paddy…and Marlon for doing all this'

Jackson shifted his eyes in the direction of his new bed. Recognizing it as Aarons he did also wonder where his boyfriend planned to sleep.

Aaron finally picked up on the unspoken subject.

Aaron: 'So guess I'm on the couch then Paddy?

Paddy: 'Well yea, is that alright? I could always go say with Marlon, give you my bed?

Aaron: 'Don't be daft, I'm not putting you out of your bed. The couch is fine, besides Jackson's gona need me here aren't ya. You know if you need owt during the night?'

Hazel: 'Rather you than me love, I've had enough of sleeping on chairs to do me a lifetime. Besides as much as I love my son, the snoring is really starting to get on my nerves.'

Jackson: 'Oi, I do not snore, I'm surprised I wasn't woken up outa that coma sooner what with the noises coming outa you when you're asleep!'

Hazel: 'I dunno Paddy, you give and you give and what do you get? A load of bloody cheek, who'd be a parent eh?'

Paddy just grinned and let out a little excited yelp, thrilled that he had just been referred to as Aaron's parent.

Christmas Eve went smoothly at Smithy. Visitors filtered in and out, descending on Jackson as if he was the reincarnated baby Jesus in his manger. Chas cam baring booze, the only way she knew how to celebrate his homecoming. Adam, Scarlett, Ryan, Andy and even Cain turned up to extend their good wishes. As touching as his reception had been Jackson was soon exhausted from all the activity surrounding him. Aaron, sensing his boyfriend's fatigue asked the last of the guests to leave just after 11pm. When it was just the family once again Hazel called Aaron into the kitchen. It was the first time he had left Jackson's side since he'd brought him home.

Hazel: 'If you want to leave us alone for a while I'll get him ready for bed.'

Aaron: 'Why, I can do that, I know what I'm doing.'

Hazel: 'I'm sure you do love but do you really think he wants his boyfriend changing him and emptying his colostomy bag?

Aaron: 'I have to get used to doing it Hazel, it's just the way things are-for now anyways.'

Hazel: 'I know, I know but please just let me do it, he'd be mortified for you to see him like that.

Aaron: 'Alright, just call me when he needs lifting.'

Hazel: 'Good boy, now go get yourself some blankets for the sofa.'

Paddy quickly came to Aaron's aide with a duvet and pillow, as well as a cuppa and a sandwich on the kitchen table.

Paddy: 'I'm really proud of you Aaron, you're handling this brilliantly.'

Aaron: 'Paddy if I tell you something will you promise not to tell Hazel or anyone else?'

Paddy: 'Oh no….what is it?

Aaron: 'No don't worry it's good news, it's the best news ever- Jackson felt my hand today. He's got the feeling back in his hands at least.'

Paddy: 'Oh my God! That's amazing…why is it a secret?

Aaron: 'It's just what Jackson wants, so for now keep it zipped alright?'

Just then Hazel entered the kitchen.

Hazel: 'All yours now Aaron, I'm off to my bed, Merry Christmas one and all and to all a good night.'

Paddy followed her up, leaving the boys to their make shift bedroom.

Jackson was still in his chair, now dressed in a light t-shirt and pyjama bottoms.

Aaron gently took a hold of him, raising him from his chair and placing him onto the small bed.

Aaron: 'Are you alright, I mean am I doing it wrong, you always had two guys to lift you at the hospital, I should have asked Paddy to help…

Jackson: 'Aaron, it's fine but there is something you could do to make it a little more comfortable.'

Aaron: 'Yea?'

Jackson: 'Get in'

Aaron kicked off his runners and carefully positioned himself alongside Jackson, afraid to barely touch him, he lay rigid

Jackson: 'Now breathe out and just relax, you're not going to hurt me.

Aaron: 'Sorry- so what are we watching?'

Jackson: 'An Affair to Remember, it's a classic. Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr.

Aaron: 'Never heard of it.'

Jackson: 'They meet on a cruise, fall in love and promise to meet up again in six months time on top of the Empire Stare Building in New York….only she never turns up.'

Aaron: 'Sounds rubbish'

Jackson: 'Well, the reason she doesn't show is coz she gets hit by a taxi and is left crippled.'

Aaron: 'Oh…sorry'

Jackson couldn't contain his giggle.

'Shut up you dozy git. You can turn over to some mindless violence if you wish.'

Aaron: 'No, Gary Grant it is.'

Jackson: 'It's Cary'

Aaron: 'That's a girls' name- and what's with his accent, where's he meant to be from?'

Jackson: 'Thanks Aaron'

Aaron: 'S'alright, it's just a movie.'

Jackson: 'No for just being, you know, you'

Aaron: 'Who else would I be?'

Aaron moved just an inch closer to his lover, holding on firmly to his right hand with his left. He slowly ran his own right hand up Jackson's chest, caressed the curve of his neck, gently cupped his jaw and turned his face to meet him.

He kissed him first on his cheek, then his jaw, moving slowly towards his mouth, Once their lips had met he gently traced the inside of Jackson's mouth with his tongue. It was overwhelming how instantly Aaron's passion was ignited. He had missed being with Jackson so much it was unbearable. He was a young man, there was no denying it – he missed sex.

Jackson's response to the kiss was equally passionate, although decidedly less obvious than Aarons.

It took some willpower but Aaron finally relinquished the kiss, contented that today's development was a sign that he and Jackson would soon be together, in every way he wanted.

Aaron: 'Happy Christmas babe'

Jackson: 'Happy Christmas Aaron'

Thanks again for chapter 2 reviews, hope you enjoy this chapter.X


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't unusual to wake up excited on Christmas morning, but for Aaron it presented a bit of a problem. The pressure in his groin had woken him with its intensity. He slowly unwrapped his leg from Jackson's hip and lay on his back, trying not to disturb his sleeping boyfriend. Deciding it was best to take care of the problem himself as quietly as possible, Aaron slid his hand into his boxers.  
'Let me help you with that', Jackson whispered into his neck.  
Aaron looked at him, both puzzled and intrigued.  
'Take my hand', Jackson suggested.  
Aaron wasted no time in exploring the boundaries of their current physical capabilities.  
Taking Jackson's hand in his he placed it on his penis and began stroking in long, slow movements.  
Jackson: 'I've missed this'  
Aaron: 'Not half as much as 'its' missed you'  
As Jackson reveled in the sensation of once again feeling his lovers body he too couldn't deny the stirring in his groin. The doctors had told him it was possible he could still maintain and erection but this was the first time he'd put it to the test.  
Dimly lit by the crisp winter morning sun, the living room hung heavy with the sounds of the two mens' shallow breathing and low groans.  
'IT'S CHRISTMAS!'  
Paddy bounded into the room doing his best impression of Noddy Holder.  
Aaron: 'Jesus Christ Paddy!'  
The young mechanic quickly rearranged himself into a less compromising position and tried to hide his reddening cheeks.  
'Exactly young Aaron...so we're all off to church. Come on, get a wriggle on, no dilly dallying!'  
Frustrated by the intrusion, Aaron turned to his boyfriend who was now sporting a massive grin on his face.  
'I duno what you're so happy about, I was that close, idiot Paddy.'  
Jackson: 'Don't fret lover, there's always tonight. Now come on you heard the man, get me into the bloody chair.'  
Ashley had felt it appropriate to mention Jackson in his Christmas day sermon. Although uncomfortable with the sympathetic looks and nods it brought, Jackson took it in the well meaning spirit it was intended.  
As was the tradition, Diane opened the Woolie after the service and the regular crowd quickly made their way over.  
Paddy and Hazel instead made a dash back to Smithy to get started on the turkey, warning the boys not to get bladdered before their dinner.  
Adam, Ryan and Andy were waiting for Aaron as he pushed Jackson's chair up from the church.  
Adam: 'So you lads coming in for one or five, or what?'  
Ryan: 'Yea come on Aaron I reckon you owe me for covering for you yesterday'  
Jackson: 'You know, I don't mind if you wana head in with the lads, it's fine, you can just drop me home.'  
Aaron: 'You what?, why would I do that, don't you wana come with us?  
Jackson: 'I duno, it's gona be awkward, there's steps and I'll be in the way...  
Aaron: 'Hey, don't be daft...you're coming. Here Adam, gimme a hand getting Jackson up the steps'  
By the time they'd made it through, Marlon had already cleared a spot by the fireplace for the boys.  
Adam: So what did Santa bring you then Aaron, a new pair of hobnails, or another hoodie perhaps?  
Aaron: 'Well he obviously didn't get you a sense of humour.'  
Ryan: 'Be nice lads, so Jackson what's your plan now, are you going to be staying at home?'  
Jackson: 'Well I have to go back in in two days, then they'll assess whether or not I'm ready. I'll still have go to in for regular physio and check-ups.'  
Andy: 'It'll be good to have you home mate and you know if you need to move back in with me, that's no problem. We can always move the place around a bit for ya.'  
Aaron: 'No, you'll be staying at home, won't ya?  
The issue was yet to be discussed by anyone at Smithy for fear off tempting fate.  
Jackson: 'Well, we'll have to discuss it with Paddy and take it from there. Cheers Andy for the offer, but it's not that simple I'm afraid.'  
Aaron: 'Right well Paddy will want you at home so that's sorted. I'm off to the bog.'  
Aaron rose from his chair and without a moment's hesitation or thought he quickly leaned over to Jackson and kissed him on the mouth. Without pausing for a reaction, he then made his way to the gents, leaving a stunned Adam, Ryan and Andy behind, not to mention Jackson, who at that moment forgot the restrictions of his damaged body and felt as if he could fly.  
He was still on a high from Aaron's public display of affection as they headed home from the pub for their Christmas dinner.  
Jackson couldn't believe how'd he'd kissed him in front of his mates and in the Woolie of all places. Even after everything they'd been through, he appreciated what a big deal that must have been for Aaron. But it hadn't seemed to faze him at all; he hadn't blushed, backed off or tried to explain his actions. He had just returned from the toilet, got the drinks in and took his seat beside Jackson, then reached for his hand and held it, fingers entwined.  
Joking about this morning's interruption, the lads started to sing Slade's festive hit and were in full flow as they entered Smithy. Their good moods were soon quashed however by the sight of an unannounced and somewhat unwelcome visitor.  
Hazel: 'Jackson love, your dads come to wish you a Merry Christmas.'  
Jerry: 'How are you son, you look...well'  
Jackson: 'Hi dad'  
Aaron could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, like a guard dog ready to attack, he stood defensively by Jackson's side.  
Paddy: 'So Jerry, do you want to stay for dinner, Hazel's cooked enough to feed the village, I don't know what she thinks we are, eh lads'  
Jerry: 'Eh no thanks, I'll be getting back soon, Joshua will be missing me.'  
Hazel: 'Why didn't you bring the little fella with you he could have met his big brother. You know it's time they met.'  
Jerry: 'I thought it best not to introduce them just yet, when Jackson's you know, like this.'  
'You what?' Aaron shot forward facing up to his boyfriend's father.  
Hazel stepped in front of him and placed a maternal hand on his chest.  
'No love, leave it, I'll take care of this. What exactly do you mean Jerry, like this?'  
Jerry: 'You know, in that chair, not being able to move. Am I the only one who finds it hard to see, you lot seem to have accepted it.'  
Jackson: 'Dad, do you think I want this? There's nothing I can do, nothing they can do'  
Jerry: 'Here maybe yea, but not in America. I've been looking into lots of different options over there.'  
Jackson: 'I've already been through the operations, the disappointments. I can't take anymore of it.'  
Jerry: 'So you're just gona give up, live your life in a chair, if you can call that living.'  
Aaron: 'I swear if he's not gone in five seconds, I'm gona deck him.'  
Jackson: 'No Aaron, it's alright, if my dad needs to get if off his chest let him.'  
Jerry: 'Just hear me out, there's a surgeon in California who's operated on a quadriplegic and he's regained full mobility. I've brought the article with me, at least take a look at it.'  
Hazel grabbed the magazine from her ex husband's hand, desperate to discover he spoke the truth.  
Jackson: 'Dad, I appreciate what you're trying to do but at some stage you're gona have to accept that this is the way it's gona be, this is what I am now. I can still live a happy life, just not as easy as before.'  
'Is this what you've been telling him', Jerry hissed at Aaron.  
'Filling his head with a load of fairytale nonsense about a happy ever after. He's a cripple, how the hell can he ever have a normal life.'  
Aaron: 'You probably said the same thing when he came out.'  
Jerry: 'Yea and I was right.'  
Aaron:'You what?  
Jerry: 'If he wasn't gay he wouldn't have gone near you, then he never would have crashed and he wouldn't be in that chair in the first place now would he.'  
Aaron felt the familiar rage build up in his chest, spreading to his arms and fists. As he stepped forward towards Jerry, nostrils flaring and teeth clenched, Hazel and Paddy both tried to get in between him and his target.  
But it was Jackson who prevented the collision. Aaron felt a hand grab his jeans just above his knee. Looking down he saw it was his boyfriends, stopping him in his tracks.  
Hazel, Paddy and Jerry also stopped in their tracks- each one desperately trying to find the words to fill the silence their shock had created.

Hope you are still enjoying this story, please review if you are and want more chapers.X


	5. Chapter 5

True to form Hazel was first to voice the thousands of questions running through her mind.  
'Oh my God, what just happened? Jackson did you just move, did you grab him?

Jerry: 'See I told you so, I knew it, I knew my son wasn't a cripple. He just needs pushing, the right support, maybe now you'll all listen to me.'

Aaron: 'Just shut it Jerry. Jackson are you alright?'  
Jackson's hand had retreated to its former position on the arm of his chair. He looked at it as if it was a foreign object, an entity over which he had no control. His mind raced with the many emotions fighting for dominance. Should he be happy, relieved, cautious, scared?

Jackson: 'I...I...  
Hazel: 'Can you move sweetheart?'  
Paddy: 'I saw him, you did, you moved...  
Jerry: 'Of course he did you idiot, we all saw it. Now go on son do it again.'  
Hazel: 'I don't understand, how can this be happening? Out of nowhere, Jackson talk to me.'  
Jerry: 'What's there to say? just do it again, go on show them.'

Aaron kept his eyes on Jacksons face, his expression was one of fear, like a deer in the headlights, a performer on a spotlit stage.  
'Just shut it Jerry', he scowled.  
Jerry: 'How dare you, he's my son, who the hell do you think you are?'  
Aaron: 'Paddy, will you just get him out of here, for a few minutes.'  
Paddy: 'Come on Jerry, I think we could do with a proper drink.'  
Aaron: 'Hazel, you too...please. I just wana talk to Jackson alone for a while.'

Although her instinct was to stay by her son, Hazel's resolve was softened by the tone of Aaron's voice, the look in his eyes. He wasn't aggressive, dominant of frightening. He was protective, in control and capable, all of the things she usually prided herself on. But just at this moment she knew it was time to had the reigns over to Aaron.  
Hazel: 'Yea...ok love..we'll leave you alone.'

When it was just the two of them, Aaron knelt down in front of Jackson's chair, placing both hands on his.  
Aaron: 'Hey, it's alright mate, just take a deep breath, count to ten.'  
Jackson: 'What's this, the mantra you use to calm down your violent rages.'  
Aaron: 'Well I don't need it now do I, seeing as I've got my own body guard.'  
Jackson: 'Aaron..I don't know how I did that, if I can do it.'  
Aaron: 'It's alright, we can try can't we, just us, the others don't need to know anything.'  
Jackson: 'I'm scared, what if I can't?  
Aaron: 'Then you can't and we're back to where we were half and hour ago...no biggie right?'

Tears began to well up in Jackson's eyes, unable to stem them himself Aaron offered his sleeve as they fell.  
Aaron: 'Hey come on, it's Christmas you soft git, am I gona have to tell you some lame jokes from the crackers to cheer you up.?'  
Jackson: 'I wanna try Aaron.'  
Aaron: 'You sure?  
Jackson: 'Yea'  
Aaron turned his right hand over so his palm faced upwards.  
'Right', he said, 'hold my hand then.'

Jackson concentrated on sending all his energy to his hand, visualizing his fingers moving and slowly lifting from the chair. He wasn't quite sure when his imagining had turned to reality, but looking into Aaron's excited eyes, he knew it had.  
Aaron: 'You did it, you flaming did it!'  
He hadn't bothered to wipe his own tears of joy as they streamed down his face, instead Aaron kept his gaze on Jackson. Momentarily their eyes would move from each others to wonder at their hands, Jackson's resting in Aarons, holding on tight, where it belonged.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Paddy had a hard task in keeping Jackson's parents calm.  
Jerry paced the floor, furious at being ousted by that 'chav' Aaron. Hazel was uncharacteristically silent, sitting at the table trying to make sense of what just happened.  
Jerry: 'What are they doing in there, this is ridiculous. I'm going in to see what the hell is going on.'  
Paddy: 'No Jerry, please just give them a minute, Aaron knows what he's doing.'  
Jerry: 'What the hell does he know, he's just a kid. Jackson needs his doctors...call them Hazel.'  
Hazel: 'I just don't get it, they said he might get some sensation back at best, they never mentioned movement, we never even hoped for that. Oh God, what if it's just a false alarm, he can't take anymore knock backs, the last operation nearly killed him.'

Overwhelmed with worry Hazel broke down, It wasn't her ex husband who rushed to comfort her but her housemate Paddy.  
Paddy: 'Hey it's alright, I think it's ok to hope for the best, this isn't exactly out of the blue.'  
Hazel: 'What do you mean?'  
Paddy: 'Aaron told me last night...Jackson got the sensation back in his hands.'  
Jerry: 'And you didn't tell his mother? I don't believe I'm hearing this!'  
Hazel: 'Why Paddy?'  
Paddy: 'I'm sorry but Aaron asked me not to, I think Jackson was afraid to get your hopes up...he still is.'  
Hazel: 'But he needs me Paddy, I have to know everything, don't keep anything from me again..I'm a big girl, I can take it.'  
Jerry: 'Well I can't, I'm calling the hospital.'  
Hazel: 'Jerry, just sit down and shut up. it's Christmas day, the consultants won't be reachable, it's just A&E and he hardly needs that now does he.'  
Jerry: 'Well I have to do something.'  
Barging into the living room jerry was met with a sight he'd dreaded ever since Jackson had come out. The reality of his son kissing another man was even worse than he'd ever imagined. But there were bigger problems to deal with now. Jerry might be hot headed, arrogant and homophobic, but he wasn't stupid.  
Jerry: 'So...what's happening?'  
Jackson: 'Dad, get mum in...and Paddy.'

Once his audience was assembled, an ecstatic Jackson performed his new trick. Hazel rushed to embrace her son and when he slowly raised his hand to brush down her back, the floodgates opened. That slight touch from her child unleashed the days and nights of repressed despair, unspoken doubt and at best, a facade of strength. Jerry left once he'd satisfied his theory, but not before reminding his son about that surgeon, about the possibilities in the States, that today was just the tip of the iceberg as far as he was concerned.

Exhausted from the days revelations Hazel had dozed off on the couch while trying to watch DIE HARD with the boys.  
Aaron: 'Great, I'm gona have to wake your mam, she can't stay here with us for the night.'  
Jackson: 'I duno Aaron, once she's out there's no shifting her. I'd offer to help but I don't think I'm quite there yet.'  
After a few nudges and not to quiet whispers Aaron roused Hazel and suggested she head up to bed.  
Hazel: 'Oh but I have to look after Jackson'  
Aaron: 'I'll do it, you go on.'  
Hazel: 'If you're sure love, I must admit I'm about as much use as an inflatable pin cushion at this stage. Good night then love.'  
Hazel caressed Jackson's face and kissed him. Turning towards the door she stopped, stood behind the couch where Aaron sat and rested a gentle kiss on the top of his head.  
'Night, night sweetheart.'  
Although moved by Hazel's gesture, Aaron quickly busied himself with the task at hand. He changed Jackson's bag and laid him on the bed before he fetched some hot water, soap and towels. He'd seen the nurses and Hazel give him his bed bath and he'd touched his boyfriend's body many times so surely this wasn't going to be a big deal.  
Perhaps to prevent any embarrassment on Jackson's behalf, Aaron started to talk, about nothing really, which wasn't something he did very often.  
Aaron: 'I remember one Christmas, I must have been seven or eight, my dad promised to get me a puppy. I was gona call him Max, you know after the dog in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, my mam had taken me to see that a few weeks before. I didn't know then that was her her Christmas visit. If I did I'd have milked it...got popcorn the lot'  
Jackson smiled at his boyfriend as he carefully ran the cloth over his chest.  
Aaron: 'Anyways, I never got the puppy cos Gordon said I was too much like my mam.'  
Jackson: 'How'd he figure that one out?'  
Aaron: 'He reckoned I'd get bored of it after a while and he'd be left to look after it...again.'  
Jackson never loved anyone or anything as much as he loved Aaron Livesy at that exact moment. The feeling was so consuming it caused him to suddenly catch his breath.  
Aaron: 'Sorry...is the water too hot.?'  
Jackson ran his fingertips across Aaron's cheek. Then with more strength that he thought he had he pulled his head down towards him and kissed him, hard and urgently.  
'No', he said, 'you are'.

Thanks again for reviews, they really push me to keep going!X


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Contains adult themes

_This is just a short chapter to thank you for your reviews! X  
_  
Surprised by the force of which Jackson grabbed him Aaron quickly broke from their kiss and braced himself. Hovering over Jackson he took care not to put his weight on him for fear of undoing any of the progress they'd made.

Aaron: 'Steady on mate, do you want to end back in that head brace?'  
Jackson: 'Oh don't be such a wimp, I can take it. Don't tell me you've gone soft on me while I've been in there?'  
Aaron: 'I don't think that would ever be the case do you?'

Jackson ran his hand across Aaron's thigh before resting it on his crotch. Even through his jeans Jackson could feel Aaron was already aroused.

Jackson: 'Guess not...at least now I know why you never offered to give me a bed bath at the hospital.'

A cheeky grin spread across Aaron's face as he slid Jackson's boxers down his legs. Taking the cloth he teased Jackson with feather light touches and lingering rubs.  
He started to kiss his neck, chest and arms, pausing only to ask him if he could feel his lips on him. Jackson didn't know what thrilled him more, Aaron's soft wet kisses all over his skin or the mere fact that he could feel them.

'Can you feel this?' Aaron abandoned the cloth and began to softly stroke Jackson.  
'Yes', he whispered.

Rising from the bed Aaron began to undress, watched intently by his lover.  
Jackson: 'You're so fucking beautiful...you know that, don't you?'

Aaron just smiled and gently placed himself over Jackson. This time his kisses started at his stomach and culminated at his now erect penis. As Aaron took him in his mouth, Jackson bit his lip to prevent his moans from waking his mum or Paddy upstairs.  
When he came Jackson felt all the worries and fears of the past three months evaporate. The truth was even if today was as good as life was ever going to get for him, he was happy to take the deal. He couldn't imagine anything that could break him now, as long as he could still feel like this, as long as he could still feel this alive, this wanted...as long as he still had Aaron.

The sexual release gave way to an emotional one and when Aaron met his lover's eyes he noticed the beginnings of tears.

'Hey, are you alright?', he asked as he brushed his hand along Jackson's stubble.  
Jackson: 'You're kidding right? I'm bloody fantastic. I was worried that I'd never be able to do that again. As bad as a life without walking or working sounded, I don't think I could handle impotence...especially with you around.'  
Aaron: 'Yea to be honest I did worry about that too...I mean it wouldn't have changed owt...I'd still be here...  
Jackson lifted his finger and pressed it to Aaron's lips.  
'Aaron, yes it would have, I'd never expect you to hang around and join me in my life of celibacy. Besides it'd be torture lying next to you every night and not being able to touch you.'

Jackson lowered his hand down Aaron's hard body and found his erection. As he began to stroke him, Jackson carefully followed the lines of Aaron's lips with his tongue, teasing him. Jackson's touch was slow and gentle but Aaron had no doubt he would come fast. He had dreamed about Jackson's touch for so long, he was surprised it hadn't happened already.  
Just as Aaron was about to climax Jackson took possession of his lower lip, sucking it hard.  
Aaron's groans of pleasure were muffled into his lovers waiting mouth as their eyes locked.  
Satisfied Aaron rested his head on Jackson's shoulder and nuzzled into his neck. He smelt of milk and honey soap with a trace of the Hugo Boss Aaron had splashed on him before church this morning. Completely contended with his life, Aaron found sleep encroaching on him.

Jackson: 'As much as I hate to wake you m'dear and as much as I want you to sleep on my chest I'm afraid you're gona have to help me out a bit here.'  
Aaron: 'hmm?'  
Jackson: 'Sorry, I know it's a passion killer but you've got to re-attach my bag.'  
Aaron: 'Oh yea, sorry.'  
Jackson: 'Sexy...huh.'  
Aaron: 'Yea you bloody well are...to me anyway.'  
Jackson: 'Well that's all that matters then isn't it.'

After Aaron had seen to Jackson's needs, he satisfied one of his own. Lying on Jackson's chest, with his lovers hand now softly resting on his arm, Aaron found fulfillment and drifted into a peaceful sleep, free from nightmares.

A/N: Just a note for Bradano and anyone else following the story online..youtube only run it as far as Oct 15th as ITV put a stop to them. However there is a wonderful person uploading the scenes daily on .com/user/kimbaforevaryanlamb.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Just had to write this chapter to help me cope with last nights episode...:-(_

Sleep hadn't come so easily to Jackson. Lit by the village's single street lamp, the living room was just bright enough for him to see Aaron-now far away in his dreams.  
But Jackson's mind was far too busy to surrender to the night. The past two days seemed like a dream, was it just a matter of time before he woke up?. Alone with his thoughts Jackson found his fears creep back into focus. The pain of hearing Aaron tell him he was never going to walk again, never going to move his arms- he just couldn't forget it. Was it at last safe to say the doctors had it wrong? Was it at last safe to hope that he had a future, one that included Aaron.  
Stirring in his slumber, Aaron moved his head from Jackson's chest and rested it next to him on the pillow. He reassuringly brushed his hand across Jackson's stomach and pulled the duvet up closer to them. The night had turned cold and even their body heat wasn't enough to stem the chills.  
Jackson turned his face to look at his boyfriend. How has this happened? How had Aaron gone from being a sulky hot tempered teenager who bottled up emotions and spoke with his fists to this-the man who'd become his strength, his reason to carry on, his whole world.  
The need to touch his face was too strong to resist and at the risk of waking him, Jackson cupped Aaron's jaw, gently stroking the skin with his fingers.  
In the still of the room Jackson whispered,' I love you'. He didn't want to wake Aaron, he didn't need to hear him say it back. He just needed to release the words from his already compacted mind so he too might be able to get some sleep.

Morning came soon and Jackson woke to find himself alone...again. For a split second he thought he was back at the spinal unit, isolated from the world, trapped in his powerless body. In a brief moment of panic he lifted his hands in front of his eyes, moved them back and forth, wiggled his fingers-reassured himself if hadn't all been a dream. Still unable to move his torso or legs, Jackson had no choice but to lie there and wait for Aaron's return. He didn't want to call out for him, he hated the fact that he needed constant looking after and the last thing he wanted was for Aaron to feel like a full time carer.

'Oh sorry mate I didn't know you were awake, you should have shouted me.' Aaron crept into the room baring two mugs of tea and a plate of toast.  
Jackson: 'You're alright...didn't you sleep well?  
Aaron: 'I slept like a baby, why you ask that?  
Jackson: 'Just that you were gone...thought maybe you couldn't sleep...  
Aaron: 'No I was just bursting for a wee that's all.'  
Jackson: 'Oh...  
Aaron: 'Why did you think I did a runner or something?  
Jackson: 'Well I wouldn't blame ya if ya did.'  
Aaron: 'Don't start that again Jackson...didn't last night tell you anything.'  
Jackson: 'I know, I'm sorry...I guess I'm just afraid to believe it all.'  
Aaron: 'Right well whether you do or not you're gona have to prove it to those doctors at the spinal unit...we're off there in an hour.  
Jackson: 'But I'm not due back there until the morning'  
Aaron: 'Don't be daft, we're going today, they have to see you, they'll know what to do next.'  
Jackson: 'Well they didn't know much the first time around did they?  
Aaron: 'Suppose not...but you've still got to go see them...so sup up and I'll get you ready.'

Aaron handed Jackson his mug of tea, he gingerly took hold of the handle and tested the current strength of his hand. Lifting it up to his mouth, Jackson took this first sip and almost spat it back into the mug.  
Jackson: 'Flaming heck Aaron, what the hell's this?-how much sugar you put in that?  
Aaron: 'Four...thought that was how you took it now?

That familiar grin spread across Aaron's face just before he leaned down to kiss Jackson's forehead.

Hazel had rang the spinal unit the minute the phones were manned. After demanding an audience with Dr. Barrett she had taken a breath to ask the ward nurse how her Christmas had been. Boxing Day was usually good for one thing-lazing about and sleeping off the excesses of the day before. But today Hazel had so much energy she didn't know what to do with it. The appointment she had made was for noon so since her 6am awakening, she had tidied her bedroom, scrubbed the bathroom, rearranged her underwear drawer, alphabetized her cds, her books. Once Paddy was up and she had a companion, she had him holding sheets as she folded them, drying dishes and even washing the windows. She didn't know why she did all this, she just knew she had to busy her mind to stop her from going crazy, to just make the time go faster until she could hear the doctor tell her what she needed to hear.

Aaron drove fast and with no traffic on the roads, they were half and hour early for their appointment. Sitting in that same family room, Hazel tried desperately not to think of what happened here before. For the most part all four were silent, Paddy pretended to read a magazine, Hazel just shut her eyes-praying perhaps- and Aaron and Jackson just waited in silence albeit for the occasional reassurance.  
Jackson's doctor and physio arrived at 12.15 and after initial greetings he was taken to an exam room. When it was just the three of them Hazel spoke.  
'How is he Aaron, why is he so quiet? I thought he'd be over the moon.'  
Aaron: 'He's just a bit shocked, he'll feel better once he hears it from this lot.'  
Hazel: 'Me and all, still can't believe it, seems like yesterday I was sat here being told my son was never going to move again.'  
Paddy: 'How was he last night Aaron..did he move much, his arms and that?'  
Aaron: 'Eh...yea...he did'  
Paddy: 'Oh heck, have you told your mam yet, she'll not know what's going on'  
Aaron: 'No, I'll wait till you know...she'd have it round the village.'  
Hazel: 'What's keeping them so long, surely they can see what we did.'  
Just as she spoke the door opened and the waiting party was summoned to the exam room.  
Aaron met Jackson's gaze and when he saw light, hope in his eyes, he allowed himself to exhale.

Dr. Barrett: 'Well Mrs Rhodes, it seems you have a truly remarkable son here.'  
Hazel: Oh don't give him a big head.'  
Dr. Barrett: 'Jackson's recovery of arm mobility is rare but not unheard of. Any improvement that can be made will happen within the first six to twelve months after the impact. So this really is a good indication that further recovery is possible.'  
Aaron: 'Are you saying he could get it all back, his legs?'  
Dr. Barrett: 'I'm not saying anything just yet, just that this latest development has opened a lot of doors for Jackson in regards to his future treatments.'  
Hazel: 'So does that mean more operations...can he come home?'  
Dr. Barrett: 'Well we'd like to keep him here for a few days to explore new physio exercises and possible procedures.'  
Aaron: 'So he's gotta stay here tonight.?'  
Dr. Barrett: 'Yes it's best that we start working on the muscles straight away, you're all welcome to stay as long as you want. Jackson the nurses will be here shortly to get you settled back into your room. I'll check in with you later.'  
Jackson: 'Thanks doctor.'

Before he had even left the room hazel was embracing Jackson and yelping for joy. She only let go of him so she could capture Aaron next and while almost squeezing the life out of him, whispered, 'Thank you...for saving my boy.'

_A/N: Hope this story is still enjoyable for you all, it's getting me through what's happening on screen at the moment!_


	8. Chapter 8

Aaron had felt guilty leaving Jackson at the hospital, especially as it was one day earlier than expected. But guilt was something Aaron was learning to cope with, it was never far from his mind.  
He had stayed with Jackson most of the afternoon. They hadn't talked much, just watched a DVD together. It hadn't been an easy choice for Aaron to make among the hospital shop's selection. In the end it came down to Sex and the City or Twilight. The former was obviously out; Aaron hadn't seen the latter but knew it was about vampires, so he thought he was safe enough avoiding any deep and meaningful love scenes. Boy was he wrong.  
Jackson seemed to delight in exploiting his boyfriend's discomfort, taking every opportunity to make him blush. He compared Aaron to Edward, his protector, his eternal soul mate and he to Bella, vulnerable, powerless to the force of Edward's love.  
Aaron had tried his best to laugh it off but he watched each minute pass by on his phone until it was over...and he could leave.

Paddy had taken Hazel home in the van so Aaron was left to catch a bus. Staring out the window at the wet December day Aaron told himself that Jackson had only been kidding. he knew it was just his attempt to resort back to their playful banter, the teasing that was usually a prelude to a much better form of teasing. He was just trying to make this extraordinary situation they now found themselves in, ordinary.  
But knowing these things didn't prevent Aaron from wrestling with his old demons. Even when Hazel had thanked him for 'saving' her son, it has sent panic waves through his veins.  
No one had ever needed him before, perhaps only Clyde and look how that turned out. But now Jackson truly needed him and at the brief and occasional moments when Aaron let himself feel it, it scared the bloody life out of him.

When Aaron set foot though the back door at Smithy, he made a quick dash to revert his steps.

'Hey you alright?', his mother shrilled through the kitchen.

Great, he thought, that's all I need now.  
Initially when Aaron had stopped visiting Jackson, Chastity was eager for him to step up and stand by his man. But as the reality of Jackson's condition sunk in she had come to question her stand point. After all just as Hazel was looking out for her son, she had to protect Aaron. And what mother wants to see her son trapped in a painful, guilt ridden existence, hinged only on the residual feelings of former lust? No, the more she pondered Jackson's future; Chas was convinced it was no place for her son. She has made this clear to Aaron during their spilt and although she had passed herself on Christmas Eve, he sensed her opinion hadn't changed.

Paddy: 'You're home early, did they kick you out?, how's Jackson?  
Aaron: 'Hang on, let me get in the door, will ya. He's fine, just tired so I left.'  
Chas: 'Right, well sit down and have some tea with us, Paddy was just about to make some turkey sandwiches weren't you Paddy.'  
Paddy: 'Was I, oh yea I was.'  
Chas: 'So love, Paddy's told me what's happened..with Jackson.'  
Aaron: 'Yea, I was going to tell you'  
Chas: 'But it is good news, yea?  
Aaron: 'Yea it is.'  
Chas: 'Then why have to got a face like a slapped backside.'  
Paddy: 'He's exhausted Chas, it's been an emotional few days for him.'  
Aaron: 'I'm gona go for a lie down.'  
Paddy: 'Ah...that might be a bit tricky...I've not had the chance to move your bed back up yet.'  
Aaron: 'Right, well I guess I'll kip in there then.'

Aaron's attempt to escape his mother was futile. It would take more than an adjoining wall to keep her out. She was soon hot on his heels in the living room. 

'Eh, no you don't sunshine, we need to talk.'  
Aaron: 'About what exactly?'  
Chas: 'You know full well Aaron, don't start acting smart.'  
Aaron: 'What's there to say, Jackson's getting better, everything's fine.'  
Chas: 'Do you really believe that, that he's getting better, did the doctors actually say he was going to walk again?'  
Aaron: No'  
Chas: 'So let me get this straight, he's got his arms back yea?  
Aaron nodded.  
Chas: 'Right, so he can hold things, feel them, that's great love but it doesn't really change much does it?  
Aaron: What are you on about, of course it does.'  
Chas: 'Jackson still needs full time care, he needs someone to help him with almost every little thing we do day in and day out. Do you really think that's you Aaron?'  
Aaron: 'Just stop going on about it.'  
Chas: 'I'm your mum Aaron, it's my job to look out for ya, I don't think you're able for this, it's not your responsibility. Jackson has his parents, they can look after him, why are you throwing your life away 'n all?

His mother's words stung like salt in an open wound, only because they mirrored his own thoughts. He knew the only way to shut her up, to stop her making him face up to his own doubts, his insecurities, was to hurt her. So like he had done many times before, Aaron unleashed his tirade on Chas. 

Aaron: 'Oh this is classic Chas isn't it, run away when the going gets tough. That's what you did isn't it? Thought 'oh, I'll try being a mam for a while...eh...no...I don't like it so I'll sod off and leave him. He'll be alright, I'll visit a few times a year, make sure he knows who I am.

Well you know what, that was probably the best thing you ever did for me coz it meant I didn't grow up like you, I'm not gona abandon the one person who really needs me, just so I can swan about and have an easy life.'

Numbed by her son's words, Chas employed all the bravado she had not to let her pain reach her face, not to let him see how his words ripped her apart inside. 

Chas: 'Aaron...to be perfectly honest I don't care how you feel about me, by all means hate me, just think about what you're doing. If you make this commitment to Jackson, it's gona have to be for better or worse. There's a chance he'll never walk again, are you prepared to take that.?'  
Aaron: 'I don't have a choice'  
Chas: 'Of course you do, you have your whole life ahead of you, you're 18 years old, don't throw it all away just coz ya feel guilty.'  
Aaron: 'You don't get it.'  
Chas: 'Talk to me then, tell me what you're thinking. It's okay to feel hard done by in all of this you know. You didn't put him in that wheelchair; you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your life paying for it.'  
Aaron: 'You..don't...understand.'

By now tears had welled up in Aaron's blue eyes, threatening to fall and expose his soul.

Chas: 'What...tell me'  
Aaron: Alright...yea, everytime I look at him, I'm terrified, I don't know if I can do this, be there for him, give him what he needs. I know I'm useless, but for some reason I don't understand Jackson wants me.  
I try not to think about six months down the road, a year, I just can't...it scares the hell out of me. Even imaging he'll get better scares me coz then what it he don't and I've gone and got my hopes up.'

For the first time in her life Chas just shut up and let Aaron unburden his raging mind. Now sitting on the couch, she rested her hand on his knee, hoping that at last, in all of his 18 years, she was finally giving her son what he needed. 

Aaron: 'I'm not staying with him coz of guilt or pity...yea I do feel those things, but that's not it.'  
I'm staying with him coz the truth is even with the way things are now, even if they never get any better, it's still better than being without him.  
I don't have a choice, mum...I don't...I love him.'

_thanks again for reviews guys! X_


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: contains limited medical knowledge! hope its not too boring!

From the moment they had witnessed his breakthrough, Jackson's doctors had sought the opinions of many of their peers.

Now gathered in a conference room, Dr. Barrett and Dr. Skyes were waiting to connect with an American counterpart on skype  
Renowned in his field of stem cell research and treatment, Dr. Bill Monroe had agreed to link up with the Hotten General medics to discuss their patient Jackson Walsh 

Dr. Monroe: 'Good morning, gentlemen, can you hear me ok?'  
Dr. Barrett: 'Yes, good morning doctor, thank for you for agreeing to meet with us at such short notice, we appreciate how busy you are.'  
Dr. Monroe: 'It's my pleasure, so tell me what have you got there?  
Dr. Barrett: 'Well, he's quite the extraordinary case, Dr. Monroe...  
Dr. Monroe: 'Please call me Bill, we don't go in for titles here in the States'  
Dr. Barrett: 'Of course, well in that case, it's Myles and Andrew.'  
Bill: 'Ok, so tell me about Jackson.'  
Andrew: 'Just over 11 weeks ago the 21 year old male was admitted following a severe collision, a train hit his van on the tracks. It was touch and go for the first few days and he remained in a coma for a week and a half.'  
Myles: 'Then when he was transferred to the spinal unit I carried out the first operation, removing the brace and inserted the spinal rods.  
'Unfortunately this resulted in no improvement in his sensation or mobility.  
'He remained a resident here at the unit ever since and with each passing test we undertook, there was little or no change.'  
Bill: 'So where are we now?  
Andrew: 'On Christmas Eve he reported some sensation in the hands, although this was promising we understood it was the most likely outcome as you know Bill. We never imagined that he would come back two days later with 80% of his arm mobility recovered. I've not seen anything like it in all my years, neither have my colleagues, so that's what leads us to you.'  
Bill: 'I'm glad you've come to me, if Jackson is going to succeed in getting anymore of his functionality back we need to move quickly. I think he could be an ideal candidate for stem cell surgery.'  
Andrew: 'You'll have to update us on the current procedures Bill, we don't have that in the UK.  
Bill: 'We as you are aware there is still some controversy surrounding the use of fetal stem sells but the discovery of autologous - which are self generated bone marrow fluids containing stem cells - has made recovery possible.  
'We harvest between 100 and 200 ml of stem cells in fluid form from the afflicted patients themselves and inject them into their spinal cords.'  
Myles: 'What's the success rate?  
Bill: 'It has the highest global rate of success of 34 percent after sustained treatment to 50 select patients.  
Almost all candidates show an improvement in bladder and bowel control, some regain upper body movement and then there are the few who make an almost complete recovery.  
'The fact that Jackson has already started to heal independently is very encouraging indeed. Also he's young and therefore his muscles will regenerate quicker too. But as you know there's never any guarantees, all we can do it get him over here and give it our best shot.'  
Andrew: 'So tell us what we have to do Bill.'

Jackson had only been back in his room for one day and already he was sick of the place. The same faces, smells, noises, the routine, the check ups, blood pressure, the body turns to prevent bed sores - he hated all of it.  
He had tried not to over think Aaron's quick exit yesterday before the credits had even run on the DVD. He knew this was hard for him and he didn't want to make it any worse. Just how exactly was Aaron supposed to act? Jackson didn't have a benchmark of appropriate 'boyfriend of the paraplegic' behaviour so he couldn't really berate Aaron if he fell short. Jackson had to correct himself, he was no longer a paraplegic, he didn't know what he was but at least he wasn't that. Lying in his bed, it was almost impossible for Jackson not to dream about getting his life back, being able to walk, drive, work. But the most prevalent fantasy that filled his lonely day was the one of him and Aaron, together again, properly; finally able to physically express the passion they once had for one another – and he hoped still did.  
His pleasant day dreaming was interrupted by his doctors.

Jackson couldn't help but panic when he saw them approach him, what if this was it, they'd come to tell him this was a Christmas miracle but don't get too greedy and wish for more.

Myles: 'So how are you today Jackson?  
Jackson: 'I'm good I suppose, can still move my arms, up and down, fingers and all - good in't?  
Andrew: 'Yes, that's wonderful. We wanted to talk to you about where we go from here, are you ready to discuss that with us?  
Jackson: 'Eh, no I think I'll hang on another few weeks here, love it here I do...I'm kidding guys...yea...of course I'm ready...tell me'  
Myles: 'Well as you know Jackson, there are never any guarantees, in a case like yours the research is relatively young therefore the results are shaky as best. We don't want to make any false claims here, to be honest we've sought advice from further afield.'  
Jackson: 'But you found it right, advice?  
Myles: 'Yes Jackson, it's a risk and it would mean travelling...but yes...there is something we could try.' 


	10. Chapter 10

'What you're just going to give us your house?'  
Hazel couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. She had just being gathering some books and magazines for Jackson to take to the hospital when Declan had called by. After his perfunctory cup of tea the new owner of Home Farm had started to question Hazel on her living arrangements.

Declan: 'For now yea, sure when you get settled you can start paying me rent, but only if you can spare it. You'd be doing me a favour, it'll be lying empty otherwise and I don't trust the neighbours, Cain would probably use it as his showroom office.'  
Hazel: 'I don't know what to say, it's too much.'  
Declan: 'Hazel, take it, I'm planning to stay at Home Farm for the long term but I don't want to sell the cottage, I don't need to.  
Jackson is a good bloke and I want to do what I can to help him. Please let me ease my current aristocracy guilt.'  
Hazel: 'Well if you insist, thank you Declan, you don't know what a relief this is. I thought we were going to have to leave the village and rent a flat in Hotten. I don't think Jackson would have coped well with leaving everyone here...well Aaron. And I suppose I'd miss all my friends here too.'  
Declan: 'Good that's sorted then, here's the keys, just let me know what needs to be done, ramps, furniture changed, whatever. And Hazel, if there's anything else I can do, just ask okay.'  
Hazel: 'What exactly are you, The Secret Millionaire or something, or an angel perhaps?  
Declan laughed, 'No just hopefully one of those friends you were talking about.'

Her fortuitous afternoon had resulted in Hazel being late visiting her son. Aaron had been called out on an emergency break-down with Cain and Paddy was tending a sick cow at Butler's Farm. So the ever reliable Bob was called in to ferry her to the hospital.  
Bob: 'That's fantastic, I'm so glad you won't be leaving the village. I'd have really missed you you know.'  
Hazel: Oh yea, who else would you have to drive about, order you around and endlessly take the mickey outa ya?  
After a few seconds of silent reflection, the two of them chimed in unison..'Viv'.

Hazel's buoyant mood hadn't diminished when she entered Jackson's room just after 7pm. She half expected him to be in a strop seeing as he'd had no visitors all day but he was quite the opposite. His smile stretched across his face, lighting up the room, putting the fluorescent strips to shame.  
Hazel: 'Blimey, I haven't seen that face in a while. Well if you're happy now just wait till you hear what I've got to tell ya!'  
Jackson: 'I've got some news of my own as it happens, but go on if you insist.'  
Hazel: 'What did they tell you something...Oh God...tell me.'  
Jackson: 'What happened to your big news, come on I'll show you mine if you show me yours.'  
Hazel: 'Right, well you know how living at Paddy's isn't really an option for us anymore, I've been looking into renting us somewhere small in Hotten...  
Jackson: 'Mum, I don't think you've quite got the hang of the whole 'good news' thing...  
Hazel: 'Hang on will ya. Anyways turns out we don't have to leave the village, we're gona be staying in Declan's cottage.  
Jackson: 'What, that's great...but how can we afford it Mum, I don't want you getting yourself into debt just cos of me.'  
Hazel: 'You just let your old mum worry about that, you concentrate on getting yourself better. Now...tell me what they said'

As Jackson recounted the doctors plan for him, Hazel tried to keep her excitement under control. She was conscious of getting carried away and adding to the pressure Jackson no doubt was already feeling. When Bob returned with the coffees he too joined in the merriment. But while discussing the imminent plan, Bob hit on something that despite it's paramount importance, hadn't been considered by Jackson or his mum.  
Bob: 'So did they say how much this is going to cost, the operation, the travel...  
Jackson wasn't blind to the wave of panic that swept across his mother's face.  
'I'm sorry mum...I didn't think...  
Hazel: 'No and you're not going to...don't give it another thought, I'll take care of it...we're going and that's that.  
Right, why don't you have a look at those books I brought you and I'll go find these doctors.'

'Ah, Mrs. Rhodes, we were expecting you, I take it Jackson has spoken to you about the stem cell surgery.', Dr. Barrett came to the ward as soon as he had been paged by the nurse.  
Hazel: 'I've heard it from him, now I want to hear it from you, and I mean all of it, good and bad. And by bad I mean money...what's this gona take?  
Myles: 'Speaking with Dr. Monroe in California, we estimate Jackson will need to stay there for a course of treatments over a month long period. So you would have to organise your accommodation around the hospital stays.  
The cost of the actual treatment is 25,000 dollars.

Hazel struggled to keep the panic from her expression. Just where on earth was she going to get that kind of money, with the cost of living there for a month, she was facing a bill of at least 40,000. She had always been a proud woman and raised Jackson to be the same, she couldn't even tell him about Declan's generous offer as she knew he would hate the idea of accepting charity from his former boss.  
Her worry soon turned to shame, how could she even think like this, Jackson had a chance to walk again- surely there was no price to put on that. She would get the money, somehow  
Hazel: 'Right, well that's that then...how soon can we go' 

A/N: I really appreciate all your reviews, good to know there's others out there who love A&J as much as I do!X 


	11. Chapter 11

The hospital was eerie at night, Aaron thought. A forced silence to mask all the suffering, the frustration and cries that the day had brought to its inhabitants. But today hadn't been one of those days for the person he came to see. Jackson had asked his mother not to tell Aaron the good news, he wanted to relish the look on his face when the words reached his ears.

As Aaron quietly made his way down the ward, now way past visiting hours, he had no idea what awaited him on the other side of the door.  
Jackson's room was lit by his overhead lamp, he had fallen asleep reading his mums book. It wasn't a great story but just holding the book was such a novelity he hadn't been able to put it down. Aaron gently took the book from his hands, smiling at the title, 'Women in Love.'  
Jackson looked peaceful, happy in his sleep. Aaron realised he hadn't seen that in his face since the night they slept in each others arms after they had scattered Clyde's ashes, after Jackson had given him one last chance. Aaron couldn't help but wish he hadn't -maybe then he wouldn't be here. But the thought of Jackson not being in his life was so unbearable, he quickly banished it from his mind.  
He needed to touch him, to just know that he still could, so he softly ran the back of his finger across Jackson's cheek.

'Aaron ?', Jackson mumbled.  
Aaron: 'Yea..sorry mate, if you're too tired I'll go, I know it's late, I just couldn't get away.'  
Jackson: 'No way are you leaving, 'I've got nothing to do all day here but sleep. I'm hardly going to turn away a visitor, no matter what time it is and especially one as cute as you.'  
Aaron: 'You've really got to work on your pulling lines'  
Jackson: 'Well don't get out much do I, besides they worked on you didn't they.'  
Aaron: 'I didn't know any better did I?'  
Jackson: 'We soon changed that, if I remember correctly.'  
Aaron: 'Steady on, think you've been reading too much of that smutty book your mam gave ya.'  
Jackson: 'Guilty..technically it's a hetro love story but there's a spot of naked male wrestling...now that part did remind me of you alright.'

Aaron could feel the pink flush invade his cheeks, it was something he couldn't control but he no longer felt the embarrassment he once did whenever Jackson referred to their sex life.  
Nevertheless he was keen to get the conversation back to a PG level.

Aaron: 'So you'll never guess who had the break down we were called out to.'  
Jackson: 'Eh...Dermot O'Leary?'  
Aaron: 'No, if it was I wouldn't have come back here to you would I?'  
Jackson: 'True..true...oh I duno then, Carl?'  
Aaron: 'No...that muppet Wayne.'  
Jackson: 'What...community payback Wayne?...spanner Wayne?'  
Aaron: 'Yea...said he remembered the name of the garage and called it when he blew a gasket ten miles from the village. Tosser was driving a supped up hairdressers car.'  
Jacskon: 'And...did he start anything?  
Aaron: 'Ah yea he was giving it all that..how's my boyfriend, did I see any good musicals lately, even asked if I could get him some tickets to the Graham Norton show.'  
Jackson laughed: 'Well at least he's original...so what did you do?  
Aaron: 'Nothing..just fixed it. Cain let me get on with it. He kept Wayne away from me, think he was lecturing him on over loading the pile of junk.'  
Jackson: 'So you did nothing?'  
Aaron: 'Well I might have permantly rigged his radio when he wasn't looking...to easy listening FM.'  
Jackson laughed along with his boyfriend, relieved that at last Aaron seemed to have left his violent nature in the past.

Jackson: 'So sounds like you had an interesting day then.'  
Aaron: Yea was alright, how's yours been, not too boring I hope...Hazel was in wasn't she?'  
Jackson: 'Yea, she was and Bob.'  
Aaron: 'Oh yea, love's young dream.'  
Jackson: 'I actually had something to tell her, I asked her not to say anything.'  
Aaron: 'What is it...is something up?'  
Jackson: 'Yea...but I don't want you getting your hopes up. It's just a possibility.'  
Aaron: 'Tell me'  
Jackson: 'It looks like I'll be going to America for some operations, stem cell surgery.'  
Aaron: 'Right...what does that mean exactly?'  
Jackson: 'Well it it goes well there's a chance I could walk again'  
Aaron: 'You knew all this and let me waffle on about Wayne for the past 20 minutes, bloody hell Jackson.'  
Jackson: 'Like I said, it's a long shot, but the doctors think it's worth the risk, so it's all systems go. Mum is looking into flights and accomodation.'  
Aaron: 'Hazel's going?'  
Jackson: 'yea of course, who else?'  
Aaron: 'Duno'  
Jackson: 'Aaron...don't worry i never expected you to.'  
Aaron: 'I know, I mean I want to but...'  
Jackson: 'It's fine, besides what are you gona do in California for a month with my mum..go on the celebrity tours?  
Aaron: 'You're going for a month?'  
Jackson: 'Yea, the treatments are spread out.'  
Aaron: 'When are you going?'  
Jackson: 'As soon as mum sorts out the finances. Actually Aaron I need you to do something for me there.'  
Aaron: 'What?'  
Jackson: 'Make sure my mum doesn't get herself into debt, you know got to any dodgy loansharks or anything, she's capable of it.'  
Aaron: 'How much is this gona cost?'  
Jackson: 'She won't tell me, but a lot I reckon, she doesn't want me worrying about it.'  
Aaron: 'Yea and for the first time since I met her, Hazel's spot on..you just think about getting better alright.'  
Jackson: 'Oh God, are you two a team now?'  
Aaron: 'I could do a lot worse then having Hazel in my corner, she's a right fiesty mare.'  
Jackson: 'Who are you telling mate.'  
Aaron: 'This is amazing Jackson...this is just the news we've been hoping for. The whole thing could be over, everything back the way it was..

Jackson: Aaron, please, just be careful...prepare for the worst, pray for the best, yea?'

Aaron took hold of Jacksons hand, held it in his own and kissed it.  
Aaron: 'Okay Jack, whatever you need.'

Jackson: 'Well if it's on the cards I wouldn't mind a cuddle.'

Aaron: 'Jesus, you have been reading to much chick lit, remind me to pick you up some Stephen Kings.'

Although teasing his lover, Aaron was quick to grant his request. He kicked off his work boots and climbed into the bed next to him.

Wrapping his arms around Jackson, Aaron realised that being needed wasn't such a terrifying thing after all.

In the provision of his comfort, he found contentment, purpose, hope. As he gently stroked Jackson's hair, Aaron could feel him drifting into sleep. He lay there in the dark wondering how long he could stay before the night nurses discovered him and kicked him out.

In the safe silence of the hospital room, he wished he had the courage to tell Jackson how he felt about him. How he finally now understood that the feelings he had, the longing, the gut wrenching pain, the exquiste bliss- was love.

But he'd let the moment come and go, all he could do now was wait and hope for another chance


	12. Chapter 12

Naturally Hazel's first port of call had been the man she'd spent most of her life with, the man who had given her the greatest gift she could ever have hoped for, the father of her child.  
Jerry had echoed his ex-wife's excitement at the prospect of Jackson's regaining his mobility and promised to contribute whatever he could to bring the dream to fruition.  
But with a young son, a new marriage and a recession hit business, Jerry Walsh wasn't exactly a bank manager's hottest prospect. To see his new family over the slump he had already re-mortgaged their three bedroomed terraced house and let go of his two employees, taking on all the labour of his contracting business himself, working late into the night and weekends.  
But throughout all his cutbacks and sacrifices, Jerry had never felt a failure, less of a man, a father...until now.

Jerry: 'Oh God, Hazel, where are we going to get the money, I'd sell the house but I owe more than I'd get for it.'  
Hazel: 'There's no point in getting dramatic Jerry, we just have to stay calm and think about this, there has to be a way.'  
Jerry: 'I can give you 5,000, it's in a fund for Joshua's college fund, from his grandparents.'  
Hazel: 'Jerry...are you sure, will Eileen not kill you?  
Jerry: 'Leave her to me, Jackson is my son too and he needs this money now...there's plenty of time to replace it for Joshua. I'm just sorry I can't give you more.'  
Hazel: 'No...that's great Jerry, I appreciate it and so will Jackson, every bit helps. Don't worry, I'll get the rest, when have you ever known me to give up easily on anything, eh?'  
Jerry: 'You gave up on us...'  
Hazel: You didn't leave me a choice on that one Jerry.'

Hazel had gone straight from Jerry's to her own bank, cap in hand. Unsurprisingly a part time art teacher with no assets or business plans to pay them back, hadn't thrilled the loans application department.  
Instead they had pointed the now desperate mother in the direction of charities, suggesting that maybe they could donate some of their funds to help Jackson.  
Buoyed by the idea, Hazel set about contacting the various foundations to put forward her case. But each conversation ended the same way...their donations could only be used for treatments within the UK, as stipulated by their legal confines as registered charities.  
They recommended that Hazel apply for her own license, set up her own fund to help her son, assuring her that it could be up and running in four to six weeks.  
But Hazel didn't have four to six weeks, she had three days to confirm the surgery with Jackson's doctors, three days to come up with a bond of 15,000, before the remaining amount was due two weeks into his treatments.  
Now as the end of day one was fast approaching, Hazel was struggling to maintain her positive outlook.

Smith cottage was cold and empty when she finally returned home. She hadn't even begun to gather her belongings together to make the move to Declan's house, besides she didn't want to be alone right now. Sitting in the dark, Hazel finally let herself cry. It was safe now, she wouldn't be letting anyone down, showing signs of weaknesses, doubt, hopelessness. Her sobs were soon interrupted by a startled Paddy, bounding in the surgery door.

Paddy: 'Blooming heck, Hazel, you frightened the life out of me...what are you doing sitting here in the dark?  
Hazel: Sorry...I hadn't noticed.  
Paddy: 'Are you alright, has it been a bad day...with Jackson?  
Hazel: 'No..well I haven't been to see him today...so I hope not.'  
Paddy: 'Aaron's there, he went straight up after work. Where have you been all day, you were gone when I got up'  
Hazel: 'Oh you know me Paddy, things to do, people to see. I'm a bit pooped come to think of it, might just head up to bed.'  
Paddy: 'Eh...no you can't do that. Come on, let's go to the Woolie, cheer ourselves up a bit.'  
Hazel: 'Thanks love but I don't think a vodka and orange is gona do it this time, I just need to get my head together. In the word's of Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day.'  
Paddy: 'Well this one's not over yet so come on please, just the one...to be honest I need the company, you'd be doing a community service.'  
Hazel: 'Alright then, just give me a minute to fix my face, I don't want to show you up.'

Trying her best to wear her well utilized brave face, Hazel fixed her smile and followed Paddy into the Woolpack.  
It was unusually full for a Wednesday evening but then again it was Christmas week, the locals were probably planning on keeping the party going until New Year's Eve.  
Bob was behind the bar and he had Hazel's drink ready before she took to her stool.

Bob: 'I put a double shot in that for ya, just don't tell Diane.'  
Hazel: 'Bob if this is your seduction plan to get me drunk, I've already told ya, it's not gona work.'  
Bob: 'I can but try m'dear...now how did today go, did you see Jerry.?  
Hazel: Yea, he's doing his best, but as usual, it's just not gona be enough, I'm afraid.  
Bob: 'Well, maybe this could help at bit...

As he spoke Bob reached under the counter and pulled up a large glass jar...full to the brim with money.

Hazel: What...what's this?  
Bob: 'It's from all of us...for Jackson.'

The rest of the pub set aside their drinks and gathered at the bar, in an act of single solidarity with their newest neighbour.  
Laurel: 'We had a little whip around Hazel, we hope you accept it alongwith our best wishes and prayers.'  
Hazel: 'Are you serious? I don't know what to say...Paddy did you know about this...Bob?  
Bob: 'You hardly thought we were going to tell you do this all by yourself did you, you daft cow.'  
Paddy: 'We're all here for you, Hazel, you and Jackson.'  
Hazel: 'I can't take your money, you don't have it to spare, I know how tough times are.'  
Zak: 'Don't be daft woman...we just need to cut back on the ale for a few weeks.'  
Diane: 'Oi...don't say that, you'll put me out of business.'

'Sorry I'm late', Chas shouted across the pub as she burst through the doors, 'had a bit of business to see to.'  
Standing next to an already dumbfounded Hazel, Chas pulled a piece of paper out of her coat pocket.  
'Here ya are Bob, think that brings it up to 10,000 now don't it.'

Belle Dingle hopped up on the bar stool next to her cousin and began to rummage in her new Glee handbag her mam had gotten her for her birthday.  
Belle: 'Hang on...make that, 10,006.57...sorry Hazel, I spent the rest of my tenner on a milkshake earlier.'

With a mixture of laughter and tears Hazel tried to thank her gathered friends, but the humble words sounded so inadequate as they left her lips.


	13. Chapter 13

Jackson spent his last day at the spinal unit almost the same way as the many that had preceded it. Physio in the morning, rounds at noon, an imposed nap, then a visit from his mum.  
He had always admired his mother's strength, her wicked sense of humour that masked a confident wisdom and a heart as big as her gob. But he'd never been as proud of her as he was when she marched into his room, sunglasses on, plane tickets in hand exclaiming, 'what are you lying around for, we've got a plane to catch.'  
She told him that the entire village had stepped forward to help them, just omitting the actual extent of their financial support.  
And that was all he needed to know as far as she was concerned, the important thing now was getting him ready for the journey that lay ahead.  
Dr. Barrett finalised all the arrangements, flights were booked and both of them were to stay at the hospital in California for the first week.  
Jackson's initial stem cell treatment was penciled in for 10am, January 2nd, they were booked on flight LAX357 8.35pm, December 31st, New Year's Eve.

Hazel hadn't been able to stay long, there was still a lot of organising to be done and very little time to do it. But Jackson didn't mind his own company today, for once his mind wasn't clouded with images of his bleak future, alone, helpless, wishing he had died in that crash. Today he had faith, a fledging belief that maybe he would be okay, that this would work. As dangerous as it was to let himself feel this way, he couldn't help but hope.  
Tomorrow was going to be a big day, just making his way to the airport was no doubt going to be a military operation, then add his mum and dad to the mix and it was bound to be dramatic to say the least.  
He didn't know whether or not he wanted Aaron there, at the airport- saying goodbye would be too hard, but would not saying it be worse?.  
Some things never changed and for Jackson predicting his boyfriend's actions was always a futile exercise. He would just have to leave it up to Aaron, let him decide how they were to part.

There was an early evening frost on the roads as Aaron drove to Hotten, so he took more care than he usually would. In a way the icy conditions were doing him a favour, giving him more time to get his head together before he had to face Jackson.  
Hazel had informed him of the generosity of the village but there was still the issue of a further 10,000 and all the expenses that this uncertain endeavor would accrue.  
He knew Jackson needed him to be positive, to tell him everything was going to be alright, but Aaron never could lie to him and he wasn't going to start now.  
Truth was Aaron had his doubts and he didn't want Jackson pinning all his hopes on this being a miracle cure.  
He wished he could make it happen for him but Aaron realised how helpless he really was and it frustrated the hell out of him. He was worried and scared too and when those emotions enveloped Aaron, the outcome was usually disastrous.  
Now as he parked the van, Aaron tried to put his demons aside, at least until Jackson was 3,000 miles away and he could unleash it, inflicting the least possible damage.

Jackson: 'Oh you made it, thought you were gona leave me hanging today, build up to a dramatic airport scene tomorrow.'  
Aaron: 'As if, who do you think I am, Richard Gere?  
Jackson: 'Nah, your more of a Vinnie Jones.'  
Aaron: 'At least I don't fancy Hugh Grant.'  
Jackson: 'Ah Hugh, never thought of that, I might bump into him in Beverly Hills, bump being the operative word, seeing as I'll be in the chair n'all.'  
Aaron: 'How can you make jokes Jackson...are you not scared.'  
Jackson: 'Course I am, so don't you go making me worse, alright...come on gimme some of that winning sense of humour.'  
Aaron: 'Sorry...I...can't.'  
Jackson: 'Aaron..is there something you're not telling me, mum hasn't gotten herself into bother has she...or have you?  
Aaron: 'No...no it's not that...I just feel so useless...I can't do anything to help you, I can't get you any money, I can't even be strong for you, I should be telling you everything's gona be alright...but I can't.'  
Jackson: 'Aaron...I don't need you to tell me anything...I just need you to be here, can you do that?

Aaron took hold of Jackson's hand and looked into his eyes, now seeing all the fear and panic that he had been strong enough to hide.  
Aaron: 'But what about when you're gone, I won't be there when you really need me.'  
Jackson: 'If you tell me you're with me, then it doesn't matter what country we're in, I'll have you with me...here.'

Jackson took Aaron's hand and placed it on his own heart, now beating faster than he thought possible.

Aaron knew this was the moment he had been waiting for and dreading at the same time...he had to tell Jackson he loved him, he had to send him into the unknown with at least that much of a certainty, that he was his, unconditionally.  
Aaron knew it, he felt it….so why couldn't he say it?

Aaron: 'Jackson...I...I...I'm here.'  
While brushing his lips against his boyfriends, Aaron whispered so quietly that Jackson couldn't be certain as to what he heard.  
Aaron: '...forever.' 


	14. Chapter 14

A/N HI fellow Aarsonists, can you please tell me know if you are still enjoying this story and want it to continue?

At best New Year's Eve was a celebration of optimism, a holiday for the hopeful - for Aaron it was an excuse to get completely wasted in an attempt to silence his inner voices for a brief reprieve.  
He had started drinking early, just after 6pm. The Woolpack had been quiet enough, just his Uncle Zak, Rodney and Doug had been propping up the bar. When they had asked him to join them, the 18-year-old turned his nose up, insulted at the suggestion that he was suitable company.  
Lamenting over the years ups and downs and planning 2011 with the three 'old boys' wasn't exactly how Aaron planned to spend the night. The only company he wanted was lager and plenty of it. That was a lie, he wanted Jackson, but he was at the airport now and Aaron was facing a whole month without him.

Sitting in the corner, alone, Aaron replayed yesterday's events in his mind. He was furious with himself for not having the guts to tell Jackson he loved him, what the hell was his problem?  
Jackson had been as understanding as ever, letting Aaron off the hook and saying their goodbyes last night. He told him that it was best to stay away from the airport as his parents would be under pressure and he didn't want his dad clashing with Aaron again. Even though he knew Jackson was giving him yet another easy way out, Aaron took it.

His flagellation was disturbed by the beep of his mobile phone. His heart skipped, maybe it was Jackson, asking him to make a quick dash to the airport.  
The text message was from Adam, wondering what time he wanted to meet for drinks.  
Aaron sent a one word reply, which was his usual style, 'Now'.

When he looked up his mother had just made her entrance through the pub door.

Chas: 'Hey, what are you doing here? Thought you'd be gone to the airport, the flights in two hours isn't it?  
Aaron: 'Yea it is, but I'm not going on it am I?  
Chas: 'What..are you not gona see him off?  
Aaron: 'No...  
Chas: 'I duno Aaron, I can't make you out, one minute you're telling me you love the guy, then you can't even be bothered to wave him off as he goes for a life changing operation.'  
Aaron: 'We don't know that.'  
Chas: 'What?'  
Aaron: 'If it'll be life changing.'  
Chas: 'Ah you know what I give up, gay, straight, you blokes are all the same. I really thought you were getting somewhere Aaron, growing up a bit and facing things head on.'  
Aaron: 'Just stop going on about it will ya.'  
Chas: 'Yea...I wouldn't want to gatecrash your pity party for one, Happy New Year and all that.'

Being relatively new to the though love brigade, Chas hated walking away from her son. She wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him it was ok to feel sorry for himself. But she knew Aaron needed a kick up the backside, he was miserable without Jackson and she had to do what she could to make sure he didn't lose him for good.

Aaron stared at his phone, he read old text messages from Jackson, ones that had either been too sweet or sexy to delete, he looked at photos of the two of them, happy and oblivious as to what lay ahead. Before he had time to chicken out, he had pressed the dial button on Jackson's name.

Meanwhile at the airport, Jackson almost dropped his phone when he saw Aaron's name pop up. He's here, he thought, he's come to say goodbye and maybe so much more.

_Jackson: 'Aaron?...where are you?  
Aaron: 'Hey, you alright, I'm just in the Woolie.  
Jackson: 'Oh...well you've started early.'  
Aaron: 'Yea, you know me life and soul of the party.'  
Jackson: 'So you gona head into Bar West later then?'  
Aaron: 'No...why would I do that?  
Jackson: 'Aaron...you are allowed to enjoy yourself you know.'  
Aaron: 'Well I wouldn't, would I, without you.'_

Jackson let a moments silence linger in the hope that Aaron would fill it with the words he longed to hear.

_Aaron: 'Jack...  
Jackson: 'Yea...  
Aaron: 'Happy New Year.'  
Jackson: 'Yea...you too, I gota go now Aaron, they're calling us, talk soon yea.'_

As Jackson hung up the phone, Hazel couldn't help but inquire as to their conversation.  
Hazel: 'When you said, 'you too'...did he say...you know...  
Jackson: 'Relax mum, it was Happy New Year, that's all.'  
Once again Jackson's smile hide his disappointment as he made his way to the departure gate, leaving one place of confusion and uncertainty for an infinitely greater one.

Aaron wasn't alone for long, Adam was only too happy to start his own New Year's Eve celebrations away from Butler's Farm and Holly's never ending ordeal.  
But his company wasn't exactly full of the joys of the occasion.  
Adam: 'Bloody hell Aaron, are you gona have a sulk on all night?  
Aaron: 'Go run off to Scarlett if you don't like it,'  
Adam: 'Oh don't worry she's coming, just takes her two hours to get ready...at least that's not a problem you'll ever have eh.?  
Aaron: 'You what?'  
Adam: 'Calm down mate, what the hell is wrong with you now, you should be happy Jacksons going to America, getting the help he needs, this is what you want isn't it?  
Aaron: 'Ah yea, it's top mate... he's gone for a month, Hazel has no idea how's she's gona pay for the rest of the treatment and I'm some use to him arn't I?  
Adam: 'Yea course you are, you've been amazing with him since you got back together, what's all this about.'  
Aaron: 'It's my responsibility, it's up to me to get him the money he needs.'  
Adam: 'Don't be stupid, where the hell are you gona get that kinda money,'  
Aaron: 'You know where.'  
Adam: 'No way Aaron, don't be a bloody idiot.  
Aaron: 'It's the only option I have, so don't you say a word to anyone alright. I'm doing this for Jackson'  
Adam: 'Do you think Jackson would want this, you getting messed up in that world again, getting yourself locked up or killed.'  
Aaron: 'If you're not gona help me Adam then just do one.'  
Adam: 'How can you even think about this, after what's happened to Holly'  
Aaron: 'Holly's a dozy cow and if other muppets want to get wasted on that muck them I'm happy to give it to them...for the right price.'  
Adam: 'I can't believe I'm hearing this...  
Aaron: 'I don't care what you do as long as you don't breath a word, alright'

Now filled with aggression Aaron grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the pub into the frosty evening air.

It didn't take Adam long to gather his thoughts and formulate his next move. He knew he had to stop Aaron making the biggest mistake of his life, going back to drug running for the McFarlanes. He too grabbed his coat, left the pub and braved the night, but instead of running after his best friend, Adam turned in the direction of Cain's cottage.  
Knocking on the door, Adam knew his betrayal of confidence was best thing he could do for Aaron.

Cain: 'Mr. Barton, what can I do for you...that heap of junk pack in on you again, it's triple time on New Year's Eve you know.'  
Adam: 'Cain...I need to talk to you, can I come in?' 


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: 10/11:Sorry for long gap between chapters, please review.X

For the first few days Cain sat in the long grass, watching Aaron's every move while he worked, sending him on late night call outs and enforcing overtime.  
He knew it was only a matter of time before Aaron escaped his gaze and put his disastrous plan into action so the seasoned lawbreaker had resolved to following his nephew.

Now sat in his car, with the engine off, Cain was cursing the freezing January air as well as Aaron, who had unsuspectedly led him to a seedy nightclub in Leeds.  
Although he had kept his distance, Cain could plainly see the anxiety on Aaron's face as he walked from his van to the side entrance.  
No matter what hard man routine he was playing, Cain knew Aaron didn't belong in this world and if anyone was going to navigate his way out of it, it was him.  
He wondered how to play this, barge in there in typical Dingle fashion and drag Aaron out kicking and screaming or sit and bide his time, talk sense to the lad when he got him on his own.  
But Cain knew the MacFarlanes, they weren't a family to be messed with and once Aaron had presented himself as a potential employee, they weren't going to let him go that easily.  
In fact they would more than likely seek compensation for Aaron wasting their time, infiltrating their empire and fleeing without a mark on a criminal record.  
Cain was going to have to bargain with them, give them something more valuable to them than Aaron...himself.

He didn't know when he had changed from being a selfish criminal to a caring tax paying father...but he had. Perhaps it was being a grandfather to Sarah that softened him, as Debbies existence in the world never seemed to affect him until then. Maybe it was because he was finally happy with the love of his life, no more game playing or knife throwing, he and Charity were together for real this time. Whatever it was, it compelled Cain to follow Aaron, to protect him, take the bullet for him if he had too.

The minutes passed like hours and when he could no longer stand it Cain made his way to the side door.  
The burly doorman stopped him.  
'This door is for staff only, go around the front.'

Cain: 'I don't want a lap dance mate, I wanna talk to the boss...so why don't you go on your little walkie talkie there and tell him Cain Dingle is here to see him..alright.'

As soon as the bouncer uttered the Dingle name, Cain's entrance was granted and he was ushered past crates of knock off Russian booze and fags to a darkly lit back office.  
Sat behind a large wooden desk was Gary MacFarlane, facing a small looking Aaron in front of him, with his back to the door.

Gary: 'Well, well, well, I wait years for a Dingle and then two come along at once.'  
Aaron: 'Cain...what...what are you doing here.?'  
Cain: 'You didn't think I was going to let you get all the action did you lad, why don't you run off and leave the business to the big boys'  
Aaron: 'Cain...I know what I'm doing'  
Cain: 'Eh if I remember rightly, last time you tried a spot of drug dealing you got picked up by the police...a female one at that.'  
Gary: 'Aaron here assures me he's grown up a lot since then and there'll be no more problems, isn't that right?  
Aaron: 'Yea, I can do it, just give me the stuff and I'll get outa here.'  
Cain: 'Gary..I can call you Gary can't I?...to be honest this lad is an embarrassment to the family name, he'd be a liability. Tell you what, how about you and I come to a little arrangement instead.'  
Gary: 'I'm listening...'  
Cain: 'I don't know much about narcotics, I'll give you that, but I'm a dab hand at clocking cars...I could make you a lot of money. You send me any old banger and I'll tart her up like she's just rolled out the showroom.'  
Gary: 'And what exactly would you want in return for this expertise Mr. Dingle.'  
Cain: 'I want him to walk out of here and I want you to forget you ever saw him...alright.'  
Gary: 'I'm sure that could be arranged...Aaron...you heard the man.'  
Aaron: 'But I need the money Cain!'  
Cain: 'Get out...now!

Cain rose to his feet, looked Aaron square in the eyes and spoke through gritted teeth.  
Sensing the violence that he always knew his uncle possessed Aaron stopped protesting and stormed out of the office, through the corridor and out into the rain soaked back alley.  
Why had Cain done this to him, his one and only chance to really help Jackson and he'd blown it, let him down yet again.  
An array of empty barrels, boxes and bins strewn in the alley received the force of Aaron's frustration; he kicked and pounded them until all his adrenaline was spent.  
When finally exhausted he let himself slide down against the damp brick wall, crouching like a wounded dog he held his head in his hands.

Moments later the door opened once again and Cain soon stood beside him.  
Cain: 'Get up, get in that van and get the hell back home you stupid idiot!'  
Aaron: 'Why you come here, what's it got to do with you?  
Cain: 'It's everything to do with me, when you get mixed up with that lot you drag the whole family into it with ya, don't you get it?'  
Aaron: 'It's my life, I can do what I want.'  
Cain: 'These people don't play games Aaron and you coming here has just put Chas, Charity, Debbie, Sarah...all of us on their radar. I'm going to have to clean up the mess you've made so don't you even think about coming back here or I swear I'll finish you myself.'

Aaron tried his best to muster up his bravado and match Cain man to man but as soon as he stood and looked into his eyes, he could feel the fear empower him.  
As it attempted to knock him off his feet, Cain reached out and grabbed hold of his nephew, providing whatever support he may need.

Aaron:'I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I just need the money Cain...I need to help him'  
Cain: 'It's alright lad...it's alright.'  
Aaron: 'You don't understand, if this doesn't work it'll kill him...and I can't...I can't lose him.'  
Cain: 'Hey you listen to me alright...we're gona get you that money, you just leave it to me.'

Aaron tightened his grip on Cain and allowed himself to be held, comforted, and perhaps even saved from himself. 


	16. Chapter 16

Even in January California was hot, too hot for Jackson who had almost forgotten what it felt like to have sunlight on his skin. When the rays first penetrated his fragile body he was instantly transported back to his summer holiday with Aaron, flooding him with perfect memories and prominent fears that those times would remain just that...memories.

He had been terrified as he waited for his first procedure, just the day after he arrived. Dr. Monroe had been practical and straightforward in his approach, no small talk or dumbing down. Jackson liked that, appreciated not being treated like a child, just because his body didn't work didn't mean there was anything wrong with his brain. He went into the operating theatre armed with the facts, leaving all his hopes safely stored away with his mum.

Although she tried to remain pragmatic, Hazel's faith in the treatment was etched on her face. In her mind Jackson was already walking again, her boy come home once more. Surely all his couldn't come to nothing, all that money that she still had to somehow find, all the hopes and prayers, surely any God couldn't be that cruel?  
The few days after the first treatment had been the worst for both of them, waiting, analysising any little sensation or movement Jackson made. On the fourth day the moment they had been living for arrived.  
To anyone else it would be a routine function, something that barely merited thought let alone applause. But for Hazel, well she hadn't been as excited to hear her son needed to go to the bathroom since he was two years old and being potty trained.  
Dr. Monroe had told Jackson that regaining the control of his bladder was the best possible outcome of the first stem cell injection. Proof that the cells had regenerated and an indication that much further recovery was possible...more than possible...likely.

He couldn't quite believe it, his doctors back home had never used such a positive word as 'likely', perhaps this was how they did things in the States, build you up and then leave you to pick up the pieces when their promises fell short?  
Jackson struggled with the decision of whether or not to inform Aaron of his progress, surely it was early days to get his hopes up. After all being able to tell someone you need to take a piss was hardly the foundation of a lifetime of happiness.  
No, he'd wait, he'd decided, just until the next injection, maybe he would have more to report, movement in his torso, his legs?

The hospital had provided Hazel and Jackson with an apartment on the grounds, for a price of course. But at least it wasn't clinical and when Jackson wasn't being prepped or recovering from surgery he could pretend he was just on holiday with his over excited mother.  
First chance she got Hazel had dragged him up and down Rodeo Drive, Manns Chinese Theatre, taken his picture beside every waxwork and on every star on the walk of fame.  
The pair shared a caustic sense of humour and couldn't resist a special pose at Christopher Reeves' star, Jackson with his hands on his hips, sporting his best Superman stare. The confused and disapproving glares from passing tourists only added to their rebellious merriment.

Hazel let herself be happy during the days with Jackson, she didn't have to force positivity, keep up appearances. It was at night when she opened the doors to her worries, when she spent hours and even more money she didn't have making phone calls back home. She tired everyone she had ever known in her life, old boyfriends, college mates, even one of her students who she remembered had managed to sell some of his artwork. Sympathy and pity was forthcoming, in abundance, cash however was less proffered.

'Mum'

Hazel's nightly routine was disturbed by Jackson's calling from his room.

'What is it this time, did you drop the remote again...I think you're starting to milk this a bit son to be honest...'

Hazel's humourous gibes were cut short when she entered her son's room, Jackson was in his bed, his sheets now covered with vomit.  
His face was a deathly white and his eyes as black as coal.

'I'm sorry mum..I didn't have time to warn you...

Hazel: 'Jackson love it's nothing I've not seen a hundred times before, don't you remember what a spewey little kid you where? All you had to do was look at eggs and it was puke city.'

Jackson: 'Still hate em'

Hazel: 'Well good job there's none of them in this lot then isn't it. Now lift yourself a bit so I can get this hoist around you.'

Hazel busied herself caring for her son, making light of the accident, treating it as a case of over indulging in chocolate or even a hangover, never once broaching the possibility that it was in fact an adverse reaction to the treatment.  
Once Jackson was cleaned and ready to begin his nightly battle against sleep, Hazel returned to her phone calls.  
But this time she wasn't reaching out across the Atlantic, instead just across the hospital grounds to 's emergency line.  
He answered on the second ring.

Hazel: 'Bill...it's Hazel Rhodes...it's happened...he's been sick.  
Bill: 'Okay Hazel, let's not panic just yet. I won't lie to you, it's not what we wanted but it's best that it's happened now and not two weeks down the road.  
Hazel: 'So what does this mean exactly?'  
Bill: 'The stem cells are from Jackson's body so it's not a case of him rejecting them. It's most likely the start of an infection that we'll have to monitor very closely.'  
Hazel: 'But he can still have the second injection on Monday?  
Bill: 'Let him sleep for now, I'll see him first thing in the morning and go from there. Why don't you try to get some sleep as well Hazel.'  
Hazel: 'And just how am I supposed to do that doctor?'

Weary, exhausted from her constant conflicting emotions, Hazel trudged to the kitchen, splashed some water on her face, squeezed her cheeks and pressed reboil on the coffee machine.

A/N:please review, you're opinions mean a lot!X


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Thanks again for reviews!X  
16/12

Cain had explored all other avenues before settling on his current plan of action. He never had been the kind of man who kept his money in the bank, he was more likely to be the one robbing it than lodging it. So the options of a normal middle aged man were not relevant to him. Of course that left the obvious alternative, pull a few jobs, get some quick cash from a few car thefts, maybe even a warehouse..hell the bank even.  
But when he considered a brief revisit to this former life Cain struggled to sit well with it. He'd gone too far down the straight path, life was better than it ever had been, at last his clean nose was reaping the benefits he'd always been told it would.  
For the first time in his life he had assets, genuine legally attained assets and he'd decided, that's how he would help Aaron.

Driving up the winding entrance to Home Farm, Cain wondered when the last time he'd been there was, perhaps when he'd picked up Natasha and Will to bring them to witness the confession of a sniveling Nathan. He usually only came here when he was up to no good, so this visit would be a novelty for him, a groveling, humiliating, character damaging one, but a novelty none the less.

Declan had spent his Christmas in Singapore with Ella and Mia, perhaps in an attempt to re settle them in their adopted home and out of his for good. It hadn't worked, and as soon as the three of them arrived back in the village, Cain had hatched his plan.  
He instantly disliked Declan Macey, he was the worst kind of arrogant fool, a rich one. But a rich fool was exactly what Cain needed right now, the only obstacle was just how he would part him with his money.

Cain never knocked on doors, instead he barged into the back office, startling Katie and Nicola.

'Ladies, boss about?

Nicola: 'Eh, you can't just charge in here without an appointment, Mr. Macey is fully booked up today actually.'  
Cain turned his attention towards Katie, sensing she would be more receptive than the permantly frosty Mrs. King.

Cain: 'Goldilocks, why don't you give Cruella here a break and go fetch for me, I'm sure it's time for your HRT dose about now eh Nicola?

After briefing her boss, Katie ushered Cain in the living room, where Declan sat nursing a glass of brandy.

Declan: 'Cain, what a nice surprise, can I get you a drink.'  
Cain: 'I'm not here to toast the New Year with you, but if your daughter's around...  
Declan: 'Why are you here then?  
Cain: 'I have something for you, for the right price of course.'  
Declan: 'Well in that case take a seat.'

Taking his seat in the large armchair opposite Declan, Cain hoped his lack of confidence in his plan wasn't evident on his face.

Declan: 'Well spit it out then.'  
Cain: 'I've got something you want'  
Declan: 'Really what's that then?  
Cain: 'Access'  
Declan: 'You really shouldn't be talking about Charity this way, it's just not gentlemanly.'  
Cain: 'As I recall you prefer your women a little older and little more homicidal'  
Declan: 'As fun as this is Cain can you get to the point'  
Cain: '10,000...and you get the access land around Dale Head.'  
Declan: 'Not interested'  
Cain: 'Six months ago you were throwing tantrums for it.'  
Declan: 'That was then, I'm not living there am I and my new tenants don't need it. So if that's all you have to offer I guess I'll see ya.'

Indignant that his half baked plan had back fired Cain began his retreat from the battle. But before he could reach the door Declan beckoned his return.

Declan: 'Hang on...there is something I want.'  
Cain: 'Oh yea'  
Declan: 'Your shares in the garage...  
Cain: 'No chance mate'  
Declan: 'Alright then, your choice, guess you don't really need that money after all.

This was it, Cain had to choose, was he really prepared to sacrifice his own livelihood for his nephew, did it really have to come down to this?

Cain: 'They're worth 20,000  
Declan: '10,000,'  
Cain: '15,000'  
Declan: 'Deal...wana shake on it.'  
Cain: 'Rather shake a hobo's jock strap.'  
Declan: 'Have it your way...I'll get onto my solicitor, draw up the paper work.'  
Cain: 'Debbie is still the majority holder so don't go getting any ideas about taking over the place.'  
Declan: Do you really think I want to don overalls and tinker about with spark plugs, no I just like the idea of being your boss.'  
Cain: 'Well if you value your cosy little set up here I suggest you keep remarks like that to yourself...alright.'  
Declan: 'Now Cain, don't make me have to issue you with an official verbal warning.'

His ego bruised, Cain bolted for the door and jumped into his car. Declan followed him, still enjoying his new position of power.

Declan: 'Just one more thing Cain, what do you need this money for so badly...just discovered an illegitimate kid or something?  
Cain: 'Something you wouldn't understand...family'  
Declan: 'Charity up to her old scams again...or maybe she's training Debbie up now? Or is it Aaron, needs bail money...anything could have happened while I've been away'  
Cain: 'Don't push me Macey'  
Declan: 'Oh it is Aaron...or...of course it's for Jackson'

A sudden force of laughter overtook Declan causing him to grab his sides and inflict a look of disgust on Cain's face.

Cain: 'What the...you sick bastard'  
Declan: 'No...no Cain...you see the funny thing is if you had told me, if anyone had told me that Jackson needed money, I'd have given it to him, no questions asked. You didn't need to go and sell me the garage...but hey funny how things work out isn't it'.

With an aggressive rev of his engine, Cain left skid marks as he drove away from Home Farm, all the time thinking, 'bloody Aaron better appreciate this'. 


	18. Chapter 18

17/12  
A/N just a small amendment on chapter 16, Declan spent New Years in Singapore, not Christmas!  
Hope you're still following this story...not long to go now...;-)

'What d'ya mean you snogged another bloke?'

Aaron's temperature rose as he spat out the words over the long distance phone call.

Jackson: 'What can I say Aaron, I just couldn't resist, it was Ewan McGregor after all. I only asked for a photo but he jumped in for a full on snog, I could hardly fight him off now could I?  
Aaron: 'Ah yea very funny, well glad to hear you're enjoying yourself over there anyway.'  
Jackson: 'Yea it's alright, mum's a bit manic but nothing new there.'  
Aaron: 'So how did the first treatment go?  
Jackson: 'Good yea.'  
Aaron: 'And...  
Jackson: 'Well I'll have to wait until the full course is completed to be able to see results. So tell me what I've been missing back home, you been behaving yourself?  
Aaron: 'Yea, course...why you ask that?  
Jackson: 'No reason, just know you that's all.'  
Aaron: 'I'm not the one copping off with other blokes am I?  
Jackson: 'Alright you got me there.'  
Aaron: 'To be honest, it's been crap here...I really miss ya.'  
Jackson: 'Yea me too, me and mum are running out of things to do.  
Aaron: 'Oh right, just good for a sightseeing buddy am I?'  
Jackson: 'You know that's not true.'  
Aaron: 'I wish I could go over there...I just...  
Jackson: 'Hey don't talk daft, I'll be home soon enough and we can hit Bar West, I'll more than likely be back to my break dancing best.'  
Aaron: 'I don't think breaking a table while dancing on it counts as break dancing Jack'  
Jackson: 'Well it drew a crowd in Lanzarote didn't it?'  
Aaron: 'Not as big as the one we drew when we got knicked for sleeping on the beach'  
Jackson: 'Oh God, I'd forgotten about that...that's not a good sign is it...already forgetting all the good times..  
Aaron: 'So what if you do, we've got plenty of time to make a lot more of them...right.'  
Jackson: 'Yea...babe do you mind if I call it a night now, I'm kinda tired.'  
Aaron: 'Oh sorry..yea you go on and I'll call you in a few days alright...night Jackson.'

'Aaron?', Hazel had grabbed the phone from her son and wandered from his earshot.  
Aaron: 'Hazel...what's up, is he alright'  
Hazel: 'He's exhausted Aaron...it's taking more out of him than he's letting on, and we've only gone through the first stage.'  
Aaron: 'But it's going good yea?  
Hazel's voice cracked, causing even more static on the imperfect transatlantic connection.  
'I don't know...he's sick'  
Aaron: 'What...what do you mean sick?  
Hazel: 'He's got an infection...from the treatment, they don't know if they can continue with it.'  
Aaron: 'Oh yea, they're probably just saying that now coz they're worried you won't have the rest of the money for them...bloodsuckers.  
Hazel: 'Well they'd be right to worry.'  
Aaron: 'I'm sorting it Hazel...you'll have the money, trust me.'  
Hazel: 'Don't you go getting into anything stupid and giving my boy even more to worry about'  
Aaron: 'Jesus, the pair of ya...I said I'm getting it and I am...you just make sure he's in that operating theatre first thing Monday morning alright. Hazel, I've gotta go, I'm already late for work.'

Cain always heaped the workload onto Aaron on a Saturday, getting all he could out of him before the weekend. His first task of the day was the breakfast run. At least Cain wasn't in already, he'd managed to get away with being twenty minutes late. Just as Aaron put the three bacon butties down on the table, he saw an envelope being placed next to his offering.  
Aaron: 'What's this?  
Cain: 'Looks like three bacon butties to me and I've told you a million times Aaron, Ryan prefers sausages...isn't that right Ryan.'  
Ryan: 'Eh...I think you'll find that's Aaron boss.'  
Cain: 'Good one kid.'  
Aaron: 'Alright, alright...the envelope Cain...what it is?'  
Cain: 'Think you already know the answer to that Einstein.'

Aaron forgot where he was, forgot to maintain his macho mechanic image and threw his arms around his uncle.  
Aaron: 'You did it?...Oh my God...Cain...thank you so much.'  
Cain: 'Whoa there nancy...I know you're gay and all but that's no excuse for getting all touch feely alright.'  
Aaron: 'How...where...  
Cain: 'You'll find out soon enough...now go on get a wriggle on twinkle toes.  
Aaron: 'Right...do you want me to get started on Rodney's brake pads?  
Cain: 'No you daft numpty...get yourself over to that airport...deliver that cheque in person.'  
Aaron: 'Are you serious?...but I don't have the money to go'  
Cain: 'It's in there...now get out of here before you start breaking into a rendition of I Will Survive or sumit.'  
Aaron: 'Cain...you're alright...you know that.'  
Ryan: 'Ah I feel so left out...where's my big PDA?  
Cain: 'Don't go getting ideas lad...those brake pads aren't gona fix themselves so shift.'  
Ryan: 'This is discrimination...Aaron do you think if I came out Cain would be nice to me too?  
Aaron: 'Duno mate, worth a shot I guess...but sorry I'm already spoken for.'


	19. Chapter 19

With Adam's help Aaron had managed to get himself organised in little over a day. There were of course the mundane preparations, booking the flight, finding the passport and packing the bag, but for Aaron, like everything else in his life, it wasn't quite that easy.  
His pre holiday routine would include a trip to Hotten Police Station to begin the paperwork he needed to be granted clearance into the United States.

Although he had served his time on community payback for hitting Jackson and his previous misdemeanors had all been while he was a minor, Aaron was still considered an unsavoury prospect for the USA and they wanted proof that he wasn't going to bring his fury filled fists over to their side of the pond.  
Adam had waited with him in the station for the two hours it took to fill out the forms and wait for a faxed confirmation of their arrival. He would still have to undergo an interview with American immigration at the airport before his flight on Monday evening. But Aaron didn't care how many questions he had to answer, how often he had to go over and over his past mistakes, it was worth it if he was going to be with Jackson.

'Right, are you sure you have everything, passport, cash...flight socks...travel sickness tablets?  
Adam teased his best friend as he pulled his jeep up at the departures drop off area.  
Aaron: 'Get lost'  
Adam: 'No seriously do one last check, I don't want to be driving back here in a dramatic movie style dash to the final call.'  
Aaron: 'That's unlikely isn't it, seeing as I'll be in an interrogation room for the next few hours.'  
Adam: 'Do you want me to hang around...you know just in case.?'  
Aaron: 'Oh cheers mate, what.. incase they won't let me fly?...nah you're alright, there's no way I'm going back home, I'll wait here till they let me on a flight, even if it takes all week.'  
Adam: 'Give Jackson my best yea...and I hope it all goes as good as he deserves it too...you both do.'  
Aaron: 'Thanks Adam...you're a good mate.'  
Adam: 'Ah I was glad to get away from the farm to tell the truth'  
Aaron: 'No you muppet, not just today, all year, ever since I meet ya actually...you've really helped me Adam and I owe you a lot, don't think I don't know that.'  
Adam: 'Aaron...don't get all soppy mate'

Aaron quickly reached out and grabbed his best friend in a strong embrace, trying to convey the strength, support and compassion that Adam had provided for him over the past twelve months.  
When he broke from the hug, Aaron noticed that Adam's eyes were glassy, on the verge of shedding the tears his gesture had created.  
Aaron: 'Who's the soppy one now?  
Adam: 'Poor Jackson doesn't stand a chance does he...when you turn on the charm?'  
Aaron: 'You know I love him don't you...you probably knew before I did.'  
Adam: 'Yea I know mate...and he's lucky to have you.'  
Aaron: 'No, I'm the lucky one...but that doesn't change...I mean...I still...you know...you're still my best friend.'  
Adam: 'And I'm proud to be so...now get the hell outa here or you'll miss that bloody flight'.

Aaron's immigration ordeal hadn't been as awful as he'd anticipated. The police in Hotten had faxed through references and guarantees on his behalf, they had even included the report from the judge on his assault case, who glowingly praised his strength of character and integrity. With the extra time he had on his hands Aaron picked up some magazines for Jackson, ones that he knew he wouldn't get in LA. While queuing up to pay he couldn't resist adding one more item to his purchase, there at the counter were travel sizes bags of Jackson's favourites...gummy bears, or bears de gum as he stupidly referred to them.  
The flight was long, boring and uncomfortable, Aaron couldn't sleep, couldn't switch his brain off, so he watched the time pass by like an eternity.  
He hadn't called Hazel to inform her of his arrival, he wanted to see the surprise on Jackson's face when he walked through the doors.  
If his time zone calculations had been right, Jackson would be recovering from his second stem cell injection when he got there, maybe they would have even more reason to celebrate.  
As the plane got nearer to the west coast, Aaron could feel his nervous excitement bubble in his stomach. He couldn't help but picture Jackson sitting up in his bed, moving his torso, perhaps even his legs. It was dangerous to imagine the best, he knew that, but he couldn't help being filled with hope, faith, a belief that anything really was possible.

Armed with a small duffel bag, Aaron hailed a taxi as soon as he reached down in LAX, handing the driver the address of the hospital.  
The place was huge, more like an hotel than a hospital and Aaron wondered how much of Jackson's 25,000 fee was going to pay for the landscaped gardens, water fountains and marble arches. He reached inside his pocket just to assure himself for the 100th time that Cain's cheque was still there.

The receptionist directed him to the spinal unit on the 34th floor, where Jackson had been scheduled for his treatment earlier that day.  
In Aaron's world it was almost 3am, here just after 6pm. He was exhausted but buoyed by the thought of seeing his face, seeing the light back in his eyes...hopefully.

When the lift opened on the 34th floor Aaron saw her.  
Sitting alone in the corridor, her head in her hands, Hazel sobbed.

Almost afraid to approach her for fear of what she would have to tell him, Aaron began a slow march to her side.

'Hazel'  
She jumped at the sound of her name and when seeing it was Aaron, Hazel rose to grab hold of him, letting her tears come.  
Aaron: 'Hazel...no...please...  
The panic rose from Aaron's chest to his face, stinging at his eyes, catching his breath and lifting his head so that he felt he could faint.  
Hazel: 'What are you doing here...how...?  
Aaron: 'Hazel...don't mind that...what's happened...where is he?  
Hazel: 'He's unconscious Aaron...he's not come around since the operation two hours ago'  
Aaron: 'Oh God...what are they saying.?'  
Hazel: 'They don't know do they, it's an experimental treatment, they don't have much experience...they said we just have to wait.'  
Aaron: 'Well you don't have to do that alone...I'm here now...and I have the money. See it's all gona be alright, don't worry...he won't let us down.'

Aaron held Hazel, rubbed her back as she unburdened her new and yet familiar worries. As he cajoled her, told her how everything would be ok, Aaron prayed that he wasn't lying to the both of them.

A/N; thanks for reviews!X


	20. Chapter 20

The tide was slowly coming in but he felt it before he saw it. The water crashed against his feet, his warm sun soaked skin baulking at the bracing evasion. Jackson jumped up onto the hot sand, grabbed his towel and after twisting it into a spiral, he playfully slapped his boyfriend with it.  
Aaron gave chase as Jackson made his escape up the beach, eventually knocking him off his feet as he landed on top of him.  
Then it was dark. Jackson was crouching on the floor of the Woolpack, tenderly touching his jaw, tasting the blood in his mouth. The muffled voices around him informed him that his attacker was gone, he was safe now, but how could he fear Aaron? He knew it was him that punched him...but they loved each other didn't they?  
Jackson turned his head and nestled into his pillow, reaching out he slid his arm around Aaron's waist, anchoring himself to him. Their bodies fit together like two halves of the one puzzle. Gently kissing his neck, Jackson started to tell Aaron just what he wanted to do to him as his hand roamed over his warm body. Aaron uttered, 'you can't'...then left his lover alone.  
Then it enveloped him, the paralysis, the physical prison that caged him. Jackson lay rigid, alone in their bed with only his tears for company.  
He was waking now...his parents were there but he only wanted Aaron.  
'Hey get up you lazy git...I've got to go to work and I'm not leaving you here with Paddy', Aaron spoke.  
Jackson: 'Don't go Aaron...please...'

But he did.  
And then he was watching him from the gallery in the courtroom...watching him expose his dark secret, his soul and fighting with himself not to fall in love with him...but he didn't stand a chance.  
He knew the first time he saw him he would leave his mark on his life...good or bad. Aaron wasn't the kind of guy you kinda liked, dated, saw a few times. He was intense, full on hate or full on love.  
Then that kiss...he was there again. He thought his heart would stop when it finally happened and when Aaron led him to his bedroom, he knew his life would never be the same again. He felt it from that moment but he managed to hold it in for months...then it became desperate to be free...'I Love You'

Night came again and he stood on a dark isolated road, the only sound was Aaron telling him that he didn't love him. Then there were so many sounds..a phone ringing, the screech of brakes, the impact...but he was ok...it was ok. Then the light came and Jackson's life went dark.

He could hear his father's voice, hushed now, not like the last time he heard it...filled with rage, hate. His lip stung from the impact but he still managed to get his words out, telling him he never wanted to see him again. His mother mirrored his stance, threw her husband out of their house. But he was back now...why was he back, what would make him want to see his son again, he was still gay, still a disgrace, an abomination.  
Aaron was between them now, father and son...Jackson reached to grab him and it was light again.  
He could feel Aaron's touch, his kiss and he was safe.

_'I'm here babe.' Aaron whispered.  
Jackson: 'Don't leave me'  
Aaron: 'I'm never gona do that...I love you.'  
_  
'Jackson...Jackson...':Aaron was shouting now, why?  
A loud beeping noise penetrated Jackson's consciousness...it was annoying, it disturbed his peace, he wanted it to stop.  
But the noise was too powerful, it shook him from his thoughts and then it was all over or just beginning...a new reality.

Linking the world he had been in and the one he now found himself, there he was...Aaron.

'He's awake...Hazel get the nurse!'  
'Hey mate, you really are getting the hang of this drama queen thing aren't ya.'

Jackson: 'Aaron?  
Aaron: 'Yea course it's me...sorry where you expecting Ewan McGregor?'  
Jackson: 'You're here...where exactly is here?  
Aaron: 'You what...the hospital, Los Angeles...you dopey git.'  
Jackson: 'Just making sure.'  
Aaron: 'So how are you feeling?  
Jackson: 'Better now...yea...how are you here, are you sure I'm not still dreaming?

Aaron sat on Jackson's bed and brushed his face with the palm of his hand, leaning closer to him he placed a tender kiss on his lips, gently opening his mouth to find his tongue.

Aaron: 'That real enough for you.'

Hazel and Dr. Monroe interrupted the boys reunion.

Bill: 'Ah Jackson good to see you're back with us.'

Hazel: 'Course he is…my boy's a fighter aren't you sweetheart.'

Jackson: 'Guess I am mum…did you know Aaron was coming?

Hazel: 'No, sly little thing isn't he…probably afraid he was missing out on all our fun eh?

Bill: 'Well before you can start showing your friend around Hollywood I need to do a few tests, ok Jackson?

Aaron: '…his boyfriend. Right we'll leave you to it then, come on Hazel.'

Jackson: 'Yea…don't go too far will ya.'

Aaron looked back and smiled at him, telling Jackson all he ever needed to know, that he was his, that he was never leaving, that he loved him.

A/N Hope that wasn't too confusing guys...its Jackson dream state, reality kicks in when Aaron starts shouting.


	21. Chapter 21

Jackson sat up in his bed.

He wasn't dreaming now, this was real...it had worked.

Bill: 'Excellent Jackson, looks like we're back on track. Now can you bend to the side for me, left then right.'

He could.

Bill: 'Now...how about below the waist, any sensations there.?

The euphoria left his face as Jackson quietly replied, 'No.'

Bill: 'Not to worry, we're only half way through the treatment after all. This is the best we can expect at this stage.  
The important thing now is monitoring your infection and making sure it doesn't interfere with next week's injection.  
Jackson joked: 'Great so that means lots of drugs?  
Bill: 'Well no more than's good for you, it's not time to celebrate just yet.'  
Jackson: 'When will be?'  
Bill: 'I don't see why this won't all work out as we've planned. After the third treatment we would hope to see signs of sensations in the lower limbs, gradually leading to movement. Then the final injection will increase the already restored mobility. Relax Jackson..it's looking good.  
Jackson: 'So can I get outa here today, go to Disneyland?  
Bill: 'Maybe not just yet, we'll need you to stay here tonight for some intense physio on your torso.'  
Jackson: 'Well if you insist...just send me in a fit male therapist alright.'  
Bill: 'I don't think your young gentleman would like that very much now would he?  
Jackson: 'A few months ago he'd have decked him...but now...I duno...he seems to have grown up a bit.'  
Bill: 'Well he's come all this way to be with you so that means something.'  
Jackson: 'Yea...yea it does.'

Although confined to the hospital for today, Jackson was allowed to move to his chair and give Aaron the guided tour of Southwest General. Their activity gave Hazel the chance to visit the administration staff to settle her bill. Aaron had come through for her son and she still couldn't quite believe it. He told her Cain had gotten him the money and she wondered how she would pay him pack, but she would, eventually. But it was worth every penny, to see her son sit up, move his body, to see his face light up the dark place she had lived in for the past three months. And that wasn't even the extent of it...they were only half way through...was it too soon to hope, to plan for a full recovery. Hazel stopped herself, berated herself for being ungrateful, wanting more. She made her way to the hospital chapel and sat and thanked whoever it was up there who had brought her son back to her.

Aaron didn't want to kept secrets from Jackson, they had been through too much now, he knew it had to be all or nothing.  
So, that night, in his hospital room, he told him about Gary MacFarlane, his stupid plan to help him and how Cain had stopped him from making the biggest mistake of his life. 

Jackson: 'So if Cain hadn't shown up what would you have done?  
Aaron: 'I duno...I hope I would have come to my senses in time.'  
Jackson: 'Aaron you have to understand how close you came to throwing everything away.'  
Aaron: I know...but it was for you, you needed the money.'  
Jackson: 'I didn't want it if it meant you getting locked up or killed, don't you get that.'  
Aaron: 'That wouldn't have happened, I'd have got out as soon as I'd made what you needed.'  
Jackson: 'Aaron...it's not that easy, you'd be in that world and I want no part of it.'  
Aaron: 'So..what are you saying...if Cain hadn't stopped me...if I'd done it you'd have dumped me...even though it was for you.'  
Jackson: 'No...I should do...but no...I don't think I could now...no matter what stupid thing you do.'  
Aaron: 'There won't be any more I promise ya.'  
Jackson: 'Hey let's not get carried away now...this is you we're talking about after all.'  
Aaron: 'Cheeky sod...budge up and let me in.'

Aaron took his place alongside Jackson on the bed, it was a balmy night so they lay above the covers, both of them on their sides now, facing each other.  
Aaron: 'So how does it feel...being able to move again?  
Jackson: 'Still feel like I'm dreaming.'  
Aaron: 'Earlier...when you came round, had you been dreaming then?  
Jackson: 'Yea and it was pretty intense to tell you the truth'  
Aaron: 'Intense good or bad.'  
Jackson: 'Bit of both really...then you shouting didn't add to the relaxing atmosphere.'  
Aaron: 'Sorry, I could see your eyes flickering and then the heart monitor went crazy...what was happening in the dream then?'  
Jackson: 'You were there, talking to me'  
Aaron: 'Oh yea..saying something annoying was I?  
Jackson: 'No, quite the opposite in fact.'  
Aaron: 'Was it something that you've been needing to hear, something that I've wanted to say.?  
Jackson: 'Maybe...yea.'  
Aaron touched Jackson's jaw, ran his finger across his mouth, softly kissed him and then looked into his eyes.  
Aaron: 'I love you Jackson...I do.'  
Jackson: 'I know...I love you too.'  
Aaron: 'I'm sorry for not saying it before, for ever making you doubt it, I'll never do that again, I'll tell you every day if I have to.'  
Jackson: 'No I don't want you to.'  
Aaron: 'What?'  
Jackson: 'Tell me, you don't have to tell me, I was an idiot before, thinking you had to say it for it to be true. I know now that it is, I've known ever since Christmas Eve. You showed me by coming to get me, by being there for me, standing by me, by coming all the way over here...even by almost getting yourself arrested. I'd rather you show me than tell me.'  
Aaron joked: 'Well I would but we're in a hospital Jackson'  
Jackson: 'Funny...you know what I mean'

Aaron pulled Jackson closer to him so he could breathe in his scent. He smelt like home. Soft slow kisses gave way to longer more passionate ones and soon the lovers were light headed with desire. They removed each other t-shirts and let their hands and tongues re-discover every inch of their arms, chests and necks. Aaron soon forgot where he was and slid his hand down Jackson's boxers. His slightest touch sent shivers up through Jackson's chest, reigniting all the sensations that had been dead to him. Carried away by Jackson's reaction, Aaron grabbed hold of his leg, grinding it against his own hardening erection, running his hand further down his thigh.

Jackson: 'Aaron...stop'  
Aaron: 'Oh..sorry, what have I done...did I hurt you.'  
Jackson: 'No...it's not that...I..I..can feel your hand.'

The End

a/n thank you all so much for the lovely comments and support, you made it such a pleasure writing this for you, hope you enjoyed the ending. Happy Christmas and lets hope 2011 is a good year for Aaron and Jackson!XXX


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